ONE SWEET DAY

Last night I saw you in my dreams
now I can't wait to go to sleep

Kanye


The lady who makes the food is dead :(




My aunt passed away and even though I saw it coming I still can't believe it. I used to live with her as a teenager because my mom had a lot going on at the time. She would come home from work and go to her favorite place, the stove. I wonder how I stayed so skinny through high school cause I had a big meal every single day. Anyway my oldest sis got on everybodys nerves by constantly asking us how much we were putting for the funeral when we'd already told her we don't have anything. To understand our annoyance you have to know my oldest sis' boyfriend/common law husband takes care of all her bills. She could lay her chunky ass in bed all day everyday and there would still be food in the fridge. She has never faced the cold world alone like we have. She lived under our moms roof till her early twenties then moved in with her common law husband. Girlfriend has extra money put away and just can't understand why the rest of us don't. Her and our mom had a pretty nasty argument because she thinks mom is holding out instead of believing she's tapped out. She reminds me of when they asked John Mccain if we were in a recession and he said no cause he's so out of touch.

My oldest sis is flying in and wanted to stay with me, I told her no because

A: She is so judgemental.My place is just a little hole in the wall and I don't want her here judging me like she always does. They would never put this place on MTV cribs but I don't care,it's mine and I love it.

B. I live far away from where the events will be and I don't want to have to plan a whole weekends worth of activities for her. I just wanna show up, pay my respects, do a 10 minute solo of "Mary don't you weep/A closer walk with thee/ I miss my homies" and leave.

C. She will dig in my pockets deep. This girl has no sense of independence cause she's always been under somebody's wing. She will show up without a dime and want me to buy her everything from meals to an outfit for the funeral.

D. I love her to PIECES, lord knows I do but she can be so fucking irritating sometimes.

She asks to stay with me and I said no. That was last week , the other night I call her and ask her where she is staying and she says she doesn't know. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!! she is so frustrating!!! I gave her an extra week to find somewhere to stay and she didn't ask anyone (see reason D.)How the fuck do you fly somewhere without knowing where you will stay?

This is thursday night and she is coming friday. I tell her fine, she can stay with me.She also tells me she will be flying in around the time of the wake. I get pissed cause I will not be able to go to the wake cause the airport is an hour and a half away from the wake plus all the nonsense of the airport itself. She tells me to go and she will wait till its over. I spend friday cleaning up my place and doing laundry etc..I ask her to let me know when she boards the plane and she does. The airport is two and a half hours away from me so I leave the house around 6:30 to meet her 9:00 flight. I get there just to find out she had one of our cousins pick her up and I was INCREDIBLE HULK MAD!!!!!!! GOODNESS GRACIOUS I dont know if ive ever been so mad in all my life. She claims when she said I should go to the wake when she said she'd wait that meant she'd wait for someone else to pick her up so I wouldn't miss the wake. Once again look at reason D.

So I waste about 6 hours of my life for no reason at all friday night.

Saturday: Before I leave my house I check the bible to make sure it's not a sin to look too good because I was FLYYY-YYYYY-YYYYY. I looked so clean I almost broke my anonymous rule and posted the pic on here. I call my cousin and ask her to wait for me cause I will ride to the funeral with her because n0days0ff does not have a good sense of direction. I call her when I was 15 minutes away and ask her if I missed them and she said no but I need to hurry cause they'll be leaving shortly. I hightail it over there and am pissed off because NOONE over there is even dressed.

My cousin drops me to my uncle's because there are not enough people to fill the limo out so I ride to the funeral with him.I walk in the church and hear the doors open after me, I turn around and there is my mother. SHE MADE IT!!!!! Last time I saw her was like 8 months ago when we thought my aunt would not make it through the night. My sis calls me and asks me to go to the store and buy her a bottled water because thats the only thing she drinks (reason D.) As I go to leave they ask me to bring in the casket with my family and thats when I saw it: my beautiful aunt's body is in that casket and today we will bury her and never see her again. The lady who makes the food has died and nothing else seems to matter.

Everybody gathers around the casket and we carry it up the stairs into the church. We are so careful because she deserves all the peace in the world. We carry the casket as if she is alive and we dont want to disturb her rest. My sister comes in after this and asks me for her water, I tell her I had to bring the body in, she asks me why I didn't buy it after and I proceed to ignore her for the rest of the service.

It was a beautiful funeral, I've never seen people cry so hard but then again the world has never lost such a beautiful soul.My cousins daughter just stood there crying her little 8 year old eyes out and nothing we said could make her stop.My cousin broke down for her mom and it broke my heart. As I stood with my arm around my mother while she cried, I realized I'm not ready to lose her. Lord please don't ever take her from me.We threw our flowers in her grave and said our piece. I never want to see my mother cry like that again, I can't take it. We cried, sang, ate and laughed. It is a beautiful thing to gather with all your loved ones and put all your differences aside. My mother saw sisters she had not seen in years and me and my middle sister spoke for the first time in 4 years. The kids made posters with my aunts pictures and she watched over us as we ate at the reception. Yes I did take a plate home because you know how I roll. Deuces.

EVEN GRASS GROWS

Ladies leave your man at home
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
And all you fellas leave your girl with her friends
Cause it's eleven thirty and the club is jumpin', jumpin'

Last weekend you stayed at home alone and lonely
Couldn't find your man, he was chillin' with his homies
This weekend you're going out
If he try to to stop you, you're goin' off
You got your hair done and your nails done too
A new outfit and your Fendi shoes
And when you're through parlayin' at the hottest spot
Tonight you're gonna find the fellas
Rollin' in the Lexus, drops and Hummers

It seems like it's getting longer and longer in between posts from me. Anyway me and my lil mama had our lovers weekend and everything was great, we went to the movies, ate out, did some shopping,laughed and argued. It was great to live a normal life like everyone else without all the long distance strain. Let me tell you about the arguing cause I'm sure that's what you want to hear anyway.

We had a humongous blowout because she wants to go out of town with her friends and I told her I wasn't cool with that. Honestly I don't know why I don't like it but I don't. I've known my lil mama for years before we got together and she would have never told her old boyfriend that she was gonna go out of town with her girls to party and shop. She never really could go past her mailbox without his permission and she seemed fine with that. I guess I grew accustomed to her being like that too. I don't say it to make myself look any better but my girl is fine. Not sorta cute .She is Beyonce Lisaraye Vanessa Williams I'd drink her bathwater and slap my mama kind of fine. Whenever she goes to even the supermarket there's always some dude pulling up in a benz or lambo promising her the glamorous life and unseen riches.


***break*** in the middle of writing this post I was able to put into words the feeling I had. My biggest fear in a relationship is not that I would get cheated on, its that I would get cheated on and not know about it. If I found out, I could say screw her and move on but I would hate for her to have a lover and still be coming home and washing her car and cutting the grass while she gave some guy the ass.

Now that I've had that little epiphany I can write clearer. I felt like her going out of town and clubbing with her girls and staying in some hotel without her kids anywhere in sight was like a free pass to cut loose and do things she normally wouldn't do. She could spend the whole night fucking some dude and going to dinners and riding around in some dope boys lexus for days at a time and I would not know anything about it. At least at home she has the kids and work and her mama etc to cock block her activities.

I know I know what you are thinking (raider wifee and sexxy luv) SHE CAN DO ALL THAT AT HOME REGARDLESS. Sigh...I know. After arguing for hours I came to that realization too. If a woman is gonna cheat on you she is gonna do it no matter what. Even if you keep her in the house 24/7 and only let her out once a year to get a physical by the doctor , if she wants she can screw that doctors brains out while you read readers digest in the waiting room. It is so hard for me to give somebody that kind of trust. I've had moments where I realized I could cheat on her and she'd NEVER find out but I didn't take it and I guess I realized she could also cheat on me and I would never even realize it and it scared me a little, ok a lot. I did a lot of growing in that argument and learned a lot of things.

1. She hates when I bring up what she told me as friends about her previous relationships. I was upset about that because I feel if you've known someone for 9 years why do I have to pretend I've only known you for 2 years? She hates being proven wrong and the fact that I can bring up a time when she did the exact opposite of what she is saying really makes her mad. that's a situation where we are both right and we are both wrong (it happens sometimes). I don't like feeling I can't say whats on my mind because it will make you mad. Deal with it. If you say your girlfriend crashed her mans car and lied about it and you feel that is so trifling and I remember when you did the same thing in 2003 why am I not allowed to say it? A closed mouth don't get fed, if something is on my mind you gonna hear it just like I expect to hear it from you.

2. I should not be so envious of or try to emulate her last relationship because obviously it did not work out. I guess part of it is she is so used to going out with these drug dealing nino brown shoot you in the face kind of dudes and she used to listen to everything they said. Now that she's with me I feel the need to make sure she doesn't think I'm soft and want to control her like they did. But in the end things with those guys never worked out and she is with me so that is what I should look at. If her relationship with those guys were so great she wouldn't be here with me.

3. Girls just wanna have fun.

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun

Finally I realized that you have to trust your partner. A good woman is a good woman no matter where she is and a cheater is gonna be a cheater no matter how you treat her. I took a big step as a man today, I can't do this as a little boy. I am all in, I have closed my eyes, crossed my arms, fallen back and trusts she will catch me. Everything in life must grow, even grass. I am a human being and I make mistakes and I am a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.

We can go bowling, this ain't like before
can't you see that I'm growing ? I was so immature
Jay - Z


The other major argument we had was kind of a hypothetical one. MALE FRIENDS. Somehow we started talking about her having male friends and I told her I wasn't with that. When I met her she had a boyfriend and I didn't give a damn I still hollered all the time. She pointed out that no matter how much I hollered we didn't do anything until waaaaaayyy after they had broken up. I told her I didn't care I dont like the thought of some dude waiting in the wings for me to fuck up to get his chance like I did. She asked me what about if he never expressed any interest in her ? I told her just because Usher never told Beyonce he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't jack off to her posters in his bathroom. She said so what if he does as long as he doesn't say anything to her? I told her it was the principle, there were principalities at hand. She said men are always gonna find her attractive but as long as she doesnt do anything with them and they respect our relationship I shouldn't feel threatened. I said its not about feeling threatened it's about me embracing the situation. If I see that someone is creeping around my bushes looking for a way to break in my house even if I know for a FACT they can't get in I'm still gonna be pissed.

I'm a man and I know how men think. Like Chris Rock said , men don't have any female friends ,just women they haven't fucked yet. A man does not have friendship on his mind with a beautiful woman,no matter what he says. We are always thinking with our dicks. point.blank.period. I had a young lady I was best friends with and I screwed her, not because I was particularly attracted to her, just becuase.I sent a mass text to all my friends in relationships and they all gave the same response: my girl has guy friends and I hate them. She can talk to them but she can't go out with them.

I WAS SHOCKED!! your woman is allowed to have male friends???????? I thought it was my right as a man to come home and tell her what she can and cant do? So I'm the only asshole who comes back to the cave and points at his woman with his club and screams MINE MINE MINE??!?!?!?! I gave my girl 2 apologies today. So how does this thing work? She can only talk to them and can't go out with them? I need some input from everyone. Even if you only lurk on my blog and never commented before please let me know what the deal is. I'm not making friends with the dude, I'll tell you that, if I ever meet one of her male friends all he gets is from me is a headnod and a lack of eye contact.Fuck that shit. I can do it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. What a day I had. All the little insecurities and hangups I had have to go out the window if I want to have a mature loving relationship, ain't that a bitch?

WHAT I BEEN UP TO

Wasn't gonna post but since me and my lil mama gonna be hella busy this weekend I figured I need to post something before my blog gets shut down.

Thanksgiving was great, I ate soooooo much that night, went to sleep then woke up at 3 am and ate some more then rolled my ass into the bed still burping. Now that's living.

I keep feeling bad cause I can't really grant none of the little ones christmas wishes this year but then I remember that these days having something in their belly IS a christmas wish and I don't feel too bad. How are these holidays treating your pockets? This christmas has been straight disrespecting my pockets.

I am out of default on one of my loans and making payments on the other two. It feels so good not to have a bunch of unknown numbers on my phone harassing me for money. This must be what it feels like to be white.

I tried to call my cousin over the holiday and see if she was cooking but her house, cell and business phone were all cut off. Guess I won't be going there lol. Its crazy how the only way to reach her is email....oh shit her internet might be cut off too, oh well there's always smoke signals.

One of my cousins just got out of jail from doing 12 years and is staying with his little sister. You would think that after losing half your life to the system he would be more appreciative at a second chance but all this fool does is complain. When my cousin slides him a much needed $30 out of her purse he starts talking about the nights he used to make over $1000. She is better than me cause I would have put his ass out the house... AFTER getting my $30 back. Shit gas is back to $2, thats a tank and a half .

My lil mama told me whatever I was gonna spend on buying her a christmas present I should keep it and treat myself......YEAH RIGHT!!!!! She loves saying bullshit like that, this way she gets the credit for saying that plus she gets the actual present which she was expecting all along. What should I get her? I was thinking of an ipod player for her car so she can have all her music with her instead of changing cd's. Thats the kind of gifts I like to give, something you can actually use.



To make outside calls at our job you have to dial 9-1-bullshit ass number you wanna call. Me and the dude who sits next to me were discussing whether we would have to dial 9-1-1 or 9-1-9-1-1 in case the fired dude came back to kill us. Tell me why to prove his point this fool picks up the phone and accidentally called the motherfuckin police.



He gets scared and hangs up. Not 5 seconds later security calls and asks us if we are ok because the police were called from our desk. My friend says we're fine and thats it..no patrol, no swing by, nothing. What if dude had us in a corner fuckin our asses up? Boy I tell you.

You know you are broke when you start eyeing the charity toy box at work and start wondering if you could sneak that power ranger on the top out for your kids without getting caught.

So....what are you doing to get ready for the holidays?

SUCH A NICE BOY

What up what up WHAAAZZUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Because so many big corporations have been scrutinized for blowing the bailout money on lavish getaways and banquets my company has canceled christmas parties this year. My new department I work in has decided we can throw one ourselves if everyone chips in $60.




For $60 me and my lil mama can go out to Denny's, a movie and still have enough money to buy her a little outfit to wear for me. Ima tell my job like I told the IRS in 2005, "you ain't gettin no money out of me". I kid.I would go but me and my lil mama have plans all that weekend anyway.

There is this one dude at my job I cant STAND.UGHHHH!!! Just everything about him irks me. We had to take this 10 minute online sexual harassment thing the other day. Tell me why this fool prints out the little certificate thing you get for completing it and hangs it above his desk like its a degree from Harvard. Gets on my GOTDANG nerves. On top of that he harasses this girl we work with daily. She said she would turn him in to HR but she knows he has a family and doesn't want them to suffer cause daddy is a jerk.

I finally got out of default for one of my student loans!!!!!





I was sooo happy. I can barely contain myself knowing one day soon I will apply for a credit card and NOT get turned down. Of course you know there was a little rain in the cloud. I called up my new company I will be making my payments to and of course someone in India picked up.

Indian Lady: Hello this is vishna, how can I help you today?

Me: what's crackin wid it? this is n0days0ff and I'm calling to set up a payment plan with you.

Vishna: mr days0ff you are 4 days overdue

me: huh? how can I be late when I haven't set up the payment yet?

v: the collection agency you just got out of default with set up the payment.

me: (after 20 min of arguing) whatever man, now that i'm set up, who notifies the credit people I am in good standing with my loan?

v: ummm....they should notice you have been making monthly payments , so you are fine.

me: (looking at phone) maam....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!! When I don't pay a loan you guys send out a notice to all the credit people that I suck. Now that I'm good who sends out the notice that I rock?

v: ummmm..... the collection agency will do that

me: they told me you do that, now you are saying that I hang up and call them back just so they can say you again? Maam I have nothing against you but you don't know what you are talking about. You are guessing and saying anything to get me off your phone. I want to speak to a manager.

That's how you gotta do it sometimes. That's how I roll.Thanks for all your advice on the previous post. I think it all comes down to me still thinking of my fiancee and her kids as separate from me. What I'm trying to say is when we get married and live together I can't just put food for me in the fridge and tell them to fend for themselves. We will be ONE and right now I think of them as separate. If I take the rent money and give it to my aunts medical bill would I do it if it was my rent too? It all comes down to If I wanna take responsibility or keep thinking of them as not my problem...yet. I guess everyone is looking to me because they think I am ballin with no kids or bills. Should I tell them I am supporting my lil mama and her kids and have everyone think of me as a damn fool and hate my girl or do I not mention that and have everyone think I'm cheap? sighhh...why must there always be drama in the LBC?

What else? I went to see my auntie in the hospital the other day and it wasn't good. The good news is she is out of her coma. The bad news is she doesn't have the will to live anymore. She said she is tired of passing out and getting rushed to the emergency room every other month. She is tired of laying in hospital beds all drugged up. She also hates the fact she will never be totally independent like she used to be again. She tried to give us her last goodbyes but my cousin wouldn't let her. I was kinda upset about that because my aunt doesn't seem long for this world and everytime she tried to give one of us her blessing and say goodbye, here comes my cousin telling her to stop talking like that. I understand that even though I love my aunt and am sad to see her go it does not compare to what my cousin is going through seeing her mother like that. Was I wrong to be a little upset? I guess men are a little more...I don't wanna say coldhearted but I'll say realistic. She looks bad and hopefully by the grace of God she will be fine but it would be a shame if something happens to her and there remained so many things unsaid cause my cousin kept butting in.I asked her if anyone told her we had a black president and she broke out in the biggest grin the tubes in her mouth would allow and said "He is such a nice boy."

As usual your feedback is very much appreciated. Should my cousin let her mama say her goodbyes or am I being a jerk? Ilove my auntie soooo much and I have so much to thsnk her for while she can still hear it but that is my cousins mama and it is a more difficult thing for her to accept.

They say if you love somebody you should tell them
people never get the flowers while they can still smell them - Kanye

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU

I gotta admit a little bit i was sick of rap/but despite that the boy is back

Jay-Z - Kingdom come

I don't know why I haven't been posting but I just couldn't be bothered. Sorry. Excuse me if I told you this already but this dude at my job got fired a while back. We found out that a few weeks later that the stress of not working gave him a diabetes attack or something. Crazy , huh? Anyway there is this other guy they are about to fire tomorrow and I think I might stay home for that one cause he is cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo. Long story short, they keep avoiding telling him he sucks and keep trying to snowball him. They tried to help him out and set him up with an interview at another branch and he said he's not interested. IF YOUR BOSS TELLS YOU TO GO ON AN INTERVIEW FOR ANOTHER JOB SHOULDN'T YOU REALIZE THEY TRYING TO FIRE YOU?

This guy really thinks in his mind that he is one of the better employees there because everyone is afraid to tell him the truth.

1. because despite his work performance he really is a nice guy and is always trying to bring everyone breakfast and etc..

2. he is really into guns and him and his italian buddies have like a little gun club and go hunting and to shooting ranges etc

I normally take no days off but tomorrow might have to be one of them. This economy is no joke . A job IS worth killing over cause it will be a looooong time before he finds another one.

My lil mama and I are planning a lovers weekend where she put the kids at her mamas and we gonna go on a real date like normal people. I can't wait, we hardly ever see each other and never get to just relax and eat good food and laugh at movies and all that. We gonna do just a little bit of christmas shopping because she is working again and we might be able to buy the kids some little cheap stuff. So if y'all dont hear from me for a while you know im cupcaked up somewhere up under her.

One of my cousins has a crazy baby daddy. They had a really big phone argument and he came over in the night and bust all her car windows and slashed her tires . The stupid idiot forgot my cousin told him several times there is a girl a few doors over who got the same kind of car as her



He bust the wrong windows. Foolie Magoolie. The next morning my cousin come out and sees the girl outside crying cause her shit is all tore up and don't know why, it was so awkward but she didn't say shit. You wouldn't have either.

This dude at work told me he was having an intimate conversation with his sister........yeah thats what i said too. He's getting a dictionary for christmas.

Me and the dude who sits next to me at work wore the exact same shirt to work today. We got so many gay/chuck and larry/gay marriage/life partner jokes that at 9 I put my hot ass sweater back on and sweated my ass off. That shirts getting burned.

My aunt is in the hospital and it looks pretty bad. My sister said if anything were to happen its up to us kids to put our money together and take care of the arrangements. Auntie has no life insurance. I almost told her I have no savings cause I gotta take care of my lil mama . I stopped myself cause that explanation would have just opened up another can of worms.

Big sis: So you can't even help us bury our tee tee cause you giving some little ghetto hoochie with 9 kids alll your money? YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST!!!

If I tell my lil mama shes on her own cause I gotta save up in case something bad happens

Lil mama: You need to tell your sister Im about to be your wife and you gotta take care of home first. Your auntie kids need to come up with something. Im not about to let my kids not have food to eat cause they aint taking care of their mama like they should, thats not your responsibility. If it was your mama I'd understand but your auntie got 2 grown kids and the lord will provide them with something.

Poor me, I'm screwed no matter what I do. So....what do you think I should do?

TIDY BOWL

I believe the children are the future
teach them well and lead the way
show them all the beauty they posess inside
give them a sense of pride

Greatest love of all- Whitney Houston


*WARNING* The following story is kind of gross

I don't think my mama ever heard that song. She put fear in us every chance she got. Tell me why one time she told us this story about this zookeeper who went to the restroom on his break one day. He didn't look inside the toilet before he sat down. One of the snakes had got loose and was coiled up inside the bowl and when the man sat down the snake struck and bit him in the taint (area between the balls and hole).




TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING DAY I cant sit on a toilet without checking that mug THOROUGHLY. Why would she do that? Ima call her tomorrow and find out.I know she gets sick of me calling her everyday and asking her about something she did in 1987.I think I'm scarred for life over that. So to my readers with kids PLEASE watch what you say to them cause they will remember FOREVER.

They stayed traumatizing my little scary ass. Where I grew up there was and is a humongous rat problem. These people came to our school and did a presentation to give us knowledge on what not to do so we could stop the problem. They brought out this BIG lifelike model and all I could do was stare at the beady eyes and sharp fangs. Then they told us that a rat can smell food a block away so close our trash can lids, gulp. They said any hole big enough for a rat to fit its head in it can squeeze its whole body through, teeth chatter. Then they said a rat can hold its breath and swim through the toilet lines from one apartment and pop up through the toilet bowl in another. Add that to my mama telling me about the snake in the toilet and I have never been totally comfortable sitting on the toilet. So anything your parents ever did or said that messed you up for life?

DON'T FORGET THAT I ALSO BLOG ON WORDIZZ . CLICK THE LINK

I NEED A FAVOR!!!

COME BY MY GUEST BLOG PLEEEEAASSEE!!!

I have been filling in for Sane the last few days so please come by and say whats up so it doesnt look like I was slacking instead of taking care of her house. I will do my best to return the favor and visit your blog soon as I can

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!!!!!!!

I never thought I'd see this day in my lifetime. A BLACK MAN IS PRESIDENT!!!!. I joke around a lot but this day means so much to me you could never imagine. To see that beautiful black man take the stage and know he is the leader of our country is enought o ..... I have no words.

It was soooo chunky where I watched the count at. At least a few hundred thousand ,easy. It was amazing to see people of all colors cheering for the same cause. Everytime they showed Barack had won another state everyone cheered, no matter what color they were. But all the cheers and positive feedback CNN was giving us could not prepare us for when they showed the official word:


BARACK OBAMA ELECTED PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We went absolutely apeshit!!!!! Just as recently as 40 years ago a black man could get beaten or killed just for trying to vote. Imagine today a black man won!!! A black man is in charge of the same place they brought us in chains to and enslaved us and oppressed us etc... I've never seen such a celebration. People were cheering and dancing in the streets,I was shaking hands with people I've never seen in my life. Everyone had a sense of victory and hope that our country would stop this downward spiral the last president put us in.

Obama will not be perfect but the one we got now has made life unbearable for people . I saw his special and a white lady said when she goes tothe market she has to ask herself if she can afford the full gallon of milk or will it be the half gallon? This was a woman who actually had a job so imagine the jobless ones. I go to work so depressed because it doesn't even seem worth it if the market is hitting new lows everyday but at least now we have hope that someoone is in office who won't sell the people down the river just to make a few bucks for himself.I can't get too political cause I don't want no one in black suits knocking on my door but it's a shame how this country has fallen from grace. It used to be being from America was the shit but our dollar is damn near worthless now. We been fighting a war and losing soldiers for years now and no one knows why. Gas is so high that it's a proven fact people are driving less just to save money. Don't even get me started on healthcare because my beautiful aunt is lying in the hospital and her job doesn't want to cough up a red cent . People with perfect credit can't get loans. The man my fiancee rents from got his house foreclosed and she had to move. I could go on all night but I won't because now I know the country is finally in good hands. Its after 2 am and I gotta be up in less than four hours. So many different dreams came true tonight it's mind boggling. Thank you Obama for giving all of us hope.





So where did you watch the count and how did you feel?

MASS EXPLANATION

A few people were asking me in my previous post what was the difference between me eating candy off a coworkers desk and my neighbors walking into a store and eating their product. Instead of putting it in the comments where they might not see it I figured I would explain it in a post because I know you won't be able to sleep at night until I explain myself lol.

The difference between me taking some candy off someone at works desk and walking into a store and eating their product is the police. The guy at work can only give me a dirty look and maybe tell me to get the fuck away from his shit. The security at the store detain and search you if they see you stealing their shit. I am a black man, I CAN'T BE TAKING THOSE KIND OF CHANCES!!!! If i was a little white hannah montana teeny bopper they might let me go but I am public enemy number one to them anyway so why give them a reason to call the cops on us? My mama would kick my ass if she had to come bail me out over a damn snickers bar




I'm not being a hypocrite cause I also said that I felt so mortified by being caught stealing by my coworker I would never do it again. It was embarassing.I was gonna make this post longer but its past 1 am and I gotta go to sleep. Thanks for the input and comments. Remind me to tell yall about the time I was gonna marry this jamaican girl to get her citizenship ok?

Ok I'll give you the short version. I was gonna marry her and get her a green card and she was gonna pay me 6 G's ( I was extra broke in those days). Tell me why I ask her when am I gonna get my money and she tells me she will pay me $200 a month until its paid up. I don't condone calling women the B word but I said BITCH PLEASE!!!!!




Don't nobody got time for you to be on that nothing but a dollar and a dream bullshit. I got bills. What the fuck am I gonna do with $200 a month, get cinemax? One of my friends said beside the two hundred I'd probably be fucking her on top of that, I told him my dick was worth more than $200 (stop laughing.....I mean it). My middle sister found out about this plan and almost unleashed the dragon on my ass. She told me that not only would I have to live with the girl until the time was up in case immigration showed up, but I would end up spending more than 6 grand on the divorce. If we were married a couple years she might be entitled to half my shit. Whaaa? Even though in those days my worldly posessions were: 5 fubu outfits, an old ass dodge intrepid with no ac, a tv/vcr combo and a copy of immature's first album on cassette I would be damned if I had to give that up.I swear I used to be such a knucklehead in my youth. What's the craziest scheme you ever came up with?

MELT IN YOUR MOUTH

At work over the weekend I caught this guy slippin.I was on a floor I dont work on and this dude had the BIGGEST bucket full of chocolates and candy bars on his desk. He even had a sign on it warning his coworkers DON'T TOUCH!. I had to get him. Man I tore them chocolates up



I laughed to myself about how he was gonna come in monday and find his whole stash gone. Heh heh heh thats what he gets for being all french and trying to put little desserts on his desk. TELL ME WHY THE DUDE WALKS IN ON ME. I almost choked on a kit kat. I've never been so embarassed in my life. I felt this big.He didn't see me actually eating the candy but I know he must have smelled it in the air. Last time I taste the rainbow on somebody else's dime.

In a related story I went out with my neighbors the other night to do a little shopping. We go to the M & M store and the skinny one buys something. We look around before we leave and they see the big things of M & M's. These fools walk over and start scarfing (yes i said scarfing,don't act like you didn't watch ninja turtles coming up)the people's candy. I was beyond pissed, I stormed out of the store. They come out behind me and start telling me I'm acting all french and uptight. I told them I don't associate myself with that kind of foolishness. What the hell ima look like calling my mama for bail money cause of some damn almonds? They tried to tell me cause he bought something he was entitled to some of the candy. That's when I got pissed cause the thing I hate the most is someone trying to fast talk me into believing a ridiculous point. If you gonna steal some candy thats on you, but dont try to convince me that it's owed to you because you bought something . I HATE THAT ! I gotta stop hanging out with those cats outside of the crib cause I'm not down with grown men acting like they are 14.

I was talking to one of my boys yesterday. He is one of those people who I only text with because he tells the most boring, draaaaawn out stories in the universe. I mean his stories don't be about shit. You ever have someone tell you a story so long you forget what its about?

loser: Man let me tell you what happened to me. I woke up to go to mcdonalds and I remembered my roommate owed me $7. i go to get it from him but he wasn't home. I go to mickey d's and the girl behind the counter dropped a pie on the floor but put it back like I ain't see it. I asked her for a mcrib and she said they not coming back for 3 months. She gives me a fruit punch with nothing but ice in the cup and I asked her for more juice but she had kind of an attitude...

WHATS THE POINT STUPID!!!!!

sigh....every crew has their Cole Brown so I deal with it.Anyway Loser (dude has the worst luck in life, I'll change his name to Al Bundy from now on) proceeds to tell me this loooooooong story about how he was over one of his boys house while he was at work and his boys girlfriend ended up giving him head. He said it was the best head he ever got in his life. She had him actin a fool.



2 minutes after she gets up off her knees the dude came home early from work and was kinda mad al bundy was over there. He was suspicious but brushed it off. That right there is one of the reasons I keep my boys and my girl separate. I'm not saying you can stop from being cheated on but ain't no dude in the world gonna turn down some free ass. Especially cause my lil mama ain't no bad body chick. Basically what I'm trying to say is ain't none of my boys getting all familiar with my girl cause if she lost her mind and decided to throw them some they would say yes no matter how cool we were. If she gonna cheat she gonna cheat regardless but I trust her, I trust them as far as I can throw them. What are your thoughts on this? You can call me jealous and controlling if you want but I don't think my girl belongs on your myspace or your phone. On the flipside my lil mama keeps me away from her friends cause she knows they wouldn't mind getting their rent paid 3 months in advance just for giving up some ass. This is real life, why have your whole world come crashing down cause you trusted the wrong person around your man. So...what's been up with you?

SHE GET IT FROM HER MAMA

I looked up this girl I used to talk to a few years ago on myspace. Tell me why her mom has a page which is more active than the daughters. The girl is like 25 and the mom is I believe 42 or so and you can't tell her nothing. Her chunky ass is on there posing in little freakum dresses,doing bend overs and all kinds of foolishness.She has a younger son who is a teenager also on her page and I felt so bad for the clowning he must go through. High school kids live and breathe for myspace and everytime his friends go on there all you see is his mama posing like king magazine. I would be mortified if my mama was on the space period much less trying to get her groove back.My thing is if you old enough to have a kid who uses myspace YOU TOO OLD TO BE ON THERE!! thats like bumping into your daughter in the club, who does that?



* There is a new manager for my department



*break*sorry, nasty habit I picked up from my cousin. He will never refer to another man as his "boss". He says it sounds so demeaning and he is a very proud person



The manager has a .....different way of doing things. One such change is today he told this guy whose vacation he approved weeks ago that other people wanted to go on vacation the same time as him and they needed to work it out between them.



Whhaa? Ain't nothing to work out, I asked for some days off, you said yes, end of story. I think it is a very bad idea to let the employees settle this themselves because if they are anything like me someone will get their feelings hurt.

coworker: hey n0days You have the 3 days before thanksgiving off I want 1 one of them

me:a midget wants to be tall but we don't always get what we want.now get the fuck away from my desk

That's how I roll. If you the boss you need to either acknowledge you can't do anything for that second employee or let them BOTH go on vaca but please don't send no one to negotiate with me cause I don't fight, I don't argue I just hit that bitch with a bottle. You agree with me right?


-A friend of the family is having trouble with her son who is like 14. He got beat up the other day and now she wants to send him to a private school. The thing is I know for a FACT that he didn't get beat up, he was jumped into a gang. He told me so. I want to tell his mom but all that will do is make him not tell me anything else. If I tell her the only thing she can do is move away but she broke as I don't know what so that's not an option either.I thought gangs was only in john singleton movies sigh... I guess I will tell her cause if he goes out in a hail of gunfire while throwing up the double U's I will feel like I could have stopped it.I was hoping since he thinks I'm cool I could kind of mentor him away from stupid decisions but its too late for that. Oh well, there goes my cool status with the kids

WEEKEND LOVE

Weekend love
Gonna spend a weekend love
Weekend love
Just a case of weekend love

Queen Latifah- weekend love





This weekend was cold as hell. So on friday night I decided to go stock up on winter stuff. I called Ma Dukes while I was out, big mistake. She is very over-protective and told me that friday nights is when pick pockets go out cause they know thats when people get paid. She said if I stayed out something might happen to me but maybe I should cause she needs the life insurance check (thanks mom).I told her that check should go to my youngest sister cause shes about to lose her house, mom disagreed. When I told my lil mama about this she did a double take




LOL she said since me and her are about to get married that check should go to her. I'M NOT DEAD!!. I felt like Cliff Huxtable, if I died y'all should be in too much mourning to even be thinking about a check....right? The other funny thing about that is the fact my family wouldn't give a damn if we was married or not they would not sit quietly by and watch her get paid off their little brother, esp cause she got kids not from me. But my lil mama's a G and doesnt back down from shit, especially when moneys concerned. I have to stay alive just to keep the peace.

What else?, oh yeah

Dallas black and raiderwifee think I've got some secret stash of gifs that I'm not sharing.Lol they acting like I'm Nino Brown keeping my connect secret. I still love y'all though



Now that I got that other shit out of the way, you know a weekend post wouldn't be complete without my super and neighbors. Friday I saw my super outside doing the trash so I went over to say hi. I tried to make as much noise as I could but I still caught his old ass by suprise.I said hi and he jumped about 20 feet in the air. He jerked his head around looking for where I was and I felt so bad. He tried to act cool but I could tell I scared him cause he was stuttering at first. I'm glad he didn't have a heart attack cause I wasn't gonna give him no mouth to mouth.

Sunday- my neighbors invited me over, I bring my goofy ass over and almost passed out




They had like 3 ladies over there just chilling. Girls poppin and droppin to some music. The dudes were mixing drinks and getting their weed situation together. I go to one of them to get some orange juice and he tells me the cutie sitting on the couch is for me. I spit my orange juice out. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN SHE'S FOR ME? Long story short there was an extra girl and they wanted me to take her to my place while they had sex with the other two. I told them no I don't get down like that, they tried to tell me my lil mama would never find out so whats the problem? I would hate it if my lil mama cheated on me so I'm not gonna cheat on her.

I go back to my place and while I'm writing the beginning of this post I get a knock on my door and when I open it there's two drunk and high girls standing in my doorway giggling with nothing but a blanket on.



They asked me why I was being so shy and could they come in cause it was cold outside. I was tempted y'all, I cant even lie. But I told them my girl was on the way over (she wasn't) and she'd shoot me if she found some buttnaked girls running around. When did I start using my brain? The old me would have at least got some head or something, but now I'm all rational and saying those girls are so loose they probably got an STD or something. Meanwhile my boys are next door having the time of their lives sigh.... I am about to get married so I can't be messing around with these little skip skops.I feel like that old Dave Hollister video "One woman man" where all the girls are hollering at him and he's saying no and goes home to his wife and kids. I wanna tell my lil mama cause I want some type of credit for turning down some free head but I think she'd come over here and start kicking everyone's ass (including my supers old ass) for letting naked girls run around here.So...how was your weekend?

DON'T FORGET MY GUEST BLOG

NOTHING GOING ON BUT THE RENT

LIL MAMA FOUND A JOB!!!!!!




I promise you I did the same dance when she told me. This past 3 months has seen the some of the most trying times I could imagine.Not only financially but emotionally as well. She was so defensive cause she knows she has so much baggage to begin with and now being jobless was making things that much harder. Any time I tried to make a suggestion or ask how the job search was going she would feel I was looking down on her (even though I wasn't)and she would lash out about how I acted like she wasn't trying. Then I would be mad cause she was taking her frustration out on me when all I was trying to do is make OUR situation better.It's crazy how money problems can make things so tense. But all in all I really dont think we did that bad. My sister and her common law husband used to fight and scratch everyday over money and they used to go days without speaking,sleep in separate beds etc.. So I think we did pretty good.

It's crazy how many aspects of our life this effected. I told a couple of my closer friends when she stopped working and after a while of her not working they started pointing out how I was totally taking care of another dudes kids, I was working massive amounts of overtime but stayed extra broke, I was wasting my golden years being bogged down by someone elses responsibilities instead of taking advantage of life etc...I started dreading their questions and eventually told them I'd rather not talk about her right now cause we are going through a lot of things. I wasn't ashamed but I felt like everyone thought I was a sucker











I feel like in a way this has made our relationship a little stronger. We been through the fire and didn't kill each other.I really gained a new level of respect for her as a woman and mother because she ain't no ordinary chick shes a brick house



At any time she could have went to the club and found a baller and ended her misery but she stuck through and tightened the budget and squeezed a dollar out of fifteen cents cause she knows having a stable home and family for her kids is worth more than silver and gold.I really have no trepidation now about marrying this woman. I know a real woman when I see her.

At first I used to always feel a little insecure because she's used to dating dudes from the street who could leave home and come back that night thousands of dollars richer and I punch a clock for a living. She never really mentioned that but it was in the back of my mind. I guess in a way it made me feel a little more... manly (for lack of a better word) in her eyes cause she wasnt working for so long but still had a man who could keep the kids fed and the lights on. These are just my thoughts people,however that last part sounded to you, I just give you the world as I see it.

I know I womped y'all a little bit this time but I had to share a little bit of what I been going through this year. thanks for everyone who leaves comments , I promise I'll try to hit your blogs back when I have a spare moment but as y'all see being superman isnt easy. As usual any advice or input you leave is always appreciated

So...have you ever been in a relationship where lack of money came into play?

RANDOM

This post is gonna be mad random because I'm just swamped these days as far as work and personal life.Maintaining a blog is harder than it seems.

*My oldest sister I love her with all my heart but the girl is a certified dodo brain.One time I had a really really old piece of shit car. I was getting a new car and I asked her to sell the old one for a measly $200. I could have got more but just wanted the car out of my life.Tell me why a couple weeks later I show up to get my snaps and she told me she only sold the car for $100




THIS GIRL CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!! I asked her why,

Big sis: well the girl didn't wanna pay the full price cause the windshield has a crack in it,and the passenger window doesn't roll down

me: (cutting her off) WHAT THE FUCK SHE WAS EXPECTING FOR $200 A ROLLS ROYCE?

BS: I felt bad so I gave it to her for $100

me: sigh.... so wheres the $100

BS: well what had happened was.....

Sigh.What else? oh yeah,for the most part I've stopped posting about my lil mama for now.There is a lot of stuff going on and it's not fair for either of us for me to constantly tell y'all bad things about her. She's a really great person and always hearing about how many obstacles are in my way because of her is starting to make some of my real friends not like her and that is kind of unfair cause she's really terrific and should get a fair shot. One of my friends told me I should end it because it doesn't seem like she's bringing anything to the table. They were kinda right but I can't dump her cause someone else said so, but the more I say what we're going through the more I make myself look like a chump. I don't wanna be one of those people who look stupid cause they always complain about something but never change it.I wish I could come on here and tell y'all about all kinds of great dates we go on and we're planning trips to vegas and LA and fancy candlelight dinners and all that TI whatever you like kind of shit but I'd be lying.Long story short, I'm not living the kind of life I'd be living if I wasn't with her. I don't care , I know she's one in a million and I'm just gonna ride this shit out and see where we end up . But it's been my recent experience that not everybody sees that as a noble thing. Some of my peeps think I'm downright stupid.I kinda started this blog because there are so many things I can't say in my real life but alas even here I have to look at what kind of image I put out. I guess in all aspects she has to remain my little secret. As usual any input you have on this is encouraged.


*Saturday night was drinking night. our super came by the spot already drunk and invited us to come over and drink. I didnt have any and thank god i didn't. He got on the turntables and played I always feel like somebody's watching me over and over again. I wasn't even drunk and I moonwalked my ass off so imagine if I was.Then my super proceeds to tell us how last week he smashed out this old lady who lives around us



he even started reenacting it by doing the girl pushups, needless to say we broke the hell out. We watched a bootleg of righteous kill (movie was ehhhhh...). Super comes over and in his drunken foolishness pulls out a $50 and gives it to my neighbors to buy some more beers and stuff to bring back to him. Mannnnnn they grubbed their asses off with that money. I paid for my own food cause im not grimey like that, but they are. They bought mad smirnoffs from the store and we finished watching the movie buzzed out of this world. Not so much me, I only had one cause they kept begging me. The next morning I passed by their door on the way to the store and the super was banging on the door like fred flintstone and shit

Super: Hey yall what the fuck happened to yall last night? and wheres my change? I gave y'all $50. I know y'all in there!!!!!

I just kept walking and laughed to myself, man these are some crazy people.So....what's new with you?

LIVING UNDER YOUR SPOTLIGHT

I dont have time to be up here spotlighting blogs all day cause 1. I don't got that kind of time 2. Y'all don't pay me enough. But I fell in love with misschriss's blog. It is scary how much her and her man's situations remind me of lil mama and I. She had a story about her asking her man for some of his cookies and changing her mind cause he only had a few left.She couldn't understand why he got so mad and put the cookies away, meanwhile i was ready to jump through my monitor and strangle her cause that's EXACTLY what my lil mama would do. I can't even enjoy the rest of my mufuckin fig newtons cause i know you really want some and now I feel all selfish cause I know your mouth watering. A MAN DONE WORKED ALL DAY LONG AND CAN'T EVEN HAVE A MUFUCKIN SNACK IN PEACE!?!? sorry y'all but that shit hit real close to home. She had another post where her boyfriend had moved out and she thought she heard his music coming out of a passing car so she walked all around the neighborhood trying to catch a glimpse of him.she even said she wished she had a car so she could go find him,I almost lost it.




What else? Oh yeah, my sister can talk her ass off. That girl could talk an apple off a tree if you let her. She called me and left a message asking if I knew how to retrieve an erased voicemail. After I got off work I texted her no, tell me why 2 min later my phone was ringing. IDONTWANNATALKTOYOURASSRIGHTNOWTHATSWHYITEXTEDYOU!!! She proceeds to ask me again,I said no, She tells me she called verizon and they said she cant do that (so why the fuck would you ask me like I know something the people who made the phone don't know). She then tells me all the different things she tried womp womp womp womp womp



What else? Oh yeah, I saw this young cat with slits in his eyebrows



and i had to smile. Let me tell you why. I fell in love with my lil mama soon as I saw her.Girl was so fine I could have sopped her up with a biscuit. One day we were talking and I was spittin my lil wack game to her and somehow someway she had said this dude in a magazine looked good how he had his hair and eyebrows cut. Tell me why my stupid young ass went and got some slits in my eyebrows. WHOOOWEEEEE its a shame what we do to get these women. They actually came out alright....at first. My dumb self got them touched up everytime I got my hair cut (every week), I didnt know I was supposed to give my eyebrows an extra week or so to breathe and grow back. I went to the barbershop one day and my usual barber wasn't there, I asked the replacement barber to to give my eyebrows a slight touchup.The slits I had were starting to fade and I wanted to continue my (imagined) sexually attractive hold on my lil mama. He said he didn't do eyebrows, my dumb ass told him it wasn't hard.He said he'd do it for me



THAT FOOL SHAVED ONE OF MY EYEBROWS OFF!!!He messed up and had to shave it off or I would have looked EXTRA stupid. I was LIVID. I had to go talk to the managers at my job that same day about something and the whole time I saw them sneaking peeks at my eyebrows. I felt so stupid I ended the meeting early. I go to see lil mama and I told her I need to find a new dude to do my eyebrows. She said I shouldn't do that cause it was a stupid look.

Lil mama: BOY STOP!! just leave your eyebrows alone, thats shits stupid anyway

me: huh? I thought you said that dude was sexy with it?

LM: he was!! I also seen this mexican man on tv the other day with tattoos from his whole neck down and he looked so rough and sexy but that don't mean I'd go out on a date with him.

me: oh...

LM: wait.....did you get your eyebrows done thinking I was gonna fuck you cause of that? AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

WEEKEND LOVE

Pretty boring weekend. I worked everyday.Last night I went over my neighbors and realized they are gay.



I don't know if they know it yet. One of them went and took a shower, me and the big one was in the kitchen talking. He goes to say something at the bathroom door and realized his roommate left it unlocked. He decides to fill up a cup with cold water and runs in there to throw it on the dude showering



I don't know what part of the game that is but I would jump out of a window to avoid seeing someones schlong but maybe that's just me. So I'm in the kitchen wondering if I'm safe and I hear them in there fussing.

Skinny one: Yo if you throw that water on me I SWEAR....

Big one: say I wont, I dare you

I asked them about it and they said I was tripping and they were just foolin around. They were mad I even would think something like that, I was mad that I almost witnessed a smash session going down. I been looking at them funny ever since lol. I guess if you grew up with brothers you did stuff like this but I didn't have any other dude around so I'm uncomfortable with stuff like that. My lil mama laughed and told me to watch out. She said they gonna turn me out and ima be giving two snaps and a twist soon



My lil mama said she has a friend that when they would get ready for the club the girl would get buttnaked in front of my girl. Lil mama said she couldn't do that and would always dress in the bathroom. To you ladies out there how comfortable are you with being in your underwear around your friends? is it a double standard if dudes are in their drawers around each other? I NEED ANSWERS DAMMIT!!!!!!

Anyway after the skinny one gets out of the shower he goes to his room to get dressed while I watched the kimbo slice fight.Kimbo got his ass whooped, its sad to see your hero get beat down. Its like seeing your dad lose a fight.Skinny comes out and has a major problem that he needs help with. He needs help tying his kanye scarf



Sigh....everything they do looks so fruity to me now. Our super drops by and tries to get us to come over and drink, we can tell he's had a couple already. We throw on some music real quick and he starts dancing.Then he did it...he started doing the pushups again. I had flashbacks of me joining him in pushups,busting my lip,hurling fruit cocktail into the toilet for 5 min straight and I told him no I would not be joining him in drinking tonight.

What else? why do my bill collectors call me from weird places like Wisconsin like I don't know thats them? like I just have random goblins in nebraska and such and I will pick up the phone

What else? Oh yeah , my niece (yes THAT one) got baptized. I'm proud of that little heathen. Hopefully she gets filled with the spirit and stops acting so grown. There was a time when I was very religious (like 19) and I wanted to get baptized but I am kind of shy at being on the spot and didn't wanna get up in front of a bunch of people and having to give a speech about my faith,getting dunked etc... It does bother me though when they pass around communion and I cant have no crackers cause I'm not baptized. I'll have to solve that sometime soon.

What else ? Oh yeah, one of my boys has been under a lot of stress due to the recession and having a wife and kid to take care of. He told me he's become so stressed he's become impotent. DAMN!!!!!! THATS SOME STRESS FOR YOUR ASS!!!! He did womp womp womp me to death but I let him talk his shit cause I know how it is sometimes.Women always expect you to be some kind of superman that never worries or get stressed but life is tough sometimes.Holding all that in must be killing him, especially when your woman doesn't wanna hear how bad things are and just wants solutions.My lil mama is like that sometimes, when things are really bad she doesn't wanna hear anything else on top of that. So you keep it all in and pretend everything is alright. That's the burden of being a man sometimes, you have to take the pain and shield everyone else from it. BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LET THIS RECESSION MAKE ME IMPOTENT

That was my weekend, how was yours?

p.s. DONT FORGET MY GUESTBLOG!!!!

I WANNA BE RICH

My lil mama fell for an internet scam. I tried to told her ain't no get rich quick in this life but a hard head makes a soft ass.You can't help but love her though, she always think she gonna bring home a big payday and I'll be glad I struggled with her. It reminded me of when I fell for a big scam too. I used to read those little local papers and in the classifieds I saw an ad that says they would pay me $5.00 for each envelope I stuffed. KA......CHING!!!!!!. I started envisioning the whole thing in my head. I would work like 17 hours a day monday through friday. Very little sleep, after all i could stuff maybe 1,000 envelopes a day. There was this girl I was in love with but she "saw me like a brother". Bet you won't think of me as a brother when I come through in a spaceship with some 20 inch rims on it BIATCCHHH!!! heh heh I'd dream of it all day while I slaved to save an extra $85 to send away to join. I was working out of this little temp agency at the time and they would send me on all kinds of jobs.One gig I used to like was dishwasher at this nice hotel.





It's amazing how much rich people waste food. There would be these big banquets at the hotel and they would bring carts back full of steaks with only 2 bites taken out of them, mashed potatoes untouched, scrimps still whole etc.....We would take the unopened sodas,chips etc and eat while we work, sometimes take home. I never fit in over there because I was a privileged kid (compared to them) who had just dropped out of college working with ex cons and degenerates who could not get real jobs and slept behind auto zone. Sometimes I would work in the front where you would take plates off the cart, scrape them into the trash then put them on the conveyor belt of the dishwasher. Other times I'd work on the end where you take the clean plates off and put them on the rack. This part kinda sucked cause the plates would be still hot and after a while your hands would be damned near burned off.

I know it sounds like a stupid job to you but I preferred it to some jobs I had where I dealt with rude customers and asshole managers.Anyway I saved the money and sent it off and continued dreaming. I even thought about hiring an assistant so I could get even more letters folded. I figured after 6 months of diligent service I would give him the connect like I was Nino Brown or something. I checked the mail everyday and on days where the suspense was killing me, I would call home and see if a big box had arrived for me.

One day not a box but a package arrived for me,odd. Why would they send me a package instead of the supplies? I opened the package and it said that I had taken the first step and if I sent more money I would get the stuff. I realized no matter how much I sent I would never receive any supplies, I'd been had. I was so brokenhearted, not only would I never get the girl I wanted so bad but I lost my ticket out of that minimum wage hell I was in. I was back to square one, it was like that TI video where the girl thinks shes with TI and living the good life and she wakes up and shes still behind a register. It's the saddest thing in the world to see a grown man misting up




I told a dude at work about this and he told me I was a damn fool. He said why would someone pay me $5 to stuff an envelope when they have a machine that could do it for 1 cent and never get tired? ummmm.....yeah I am stupid. As much as I wanted to scold my lil mama for not listening to me all I could do was embrace her cause I know how it felt. So....have you ever been scammed?

ME VENTING ABOUT WORK

Heres how things work at my job:

Guy #1- finds out what needs to be done and puts in an order

Guy #2 - gets all the supplies and everything ready for guy #3

Guy #3 (thats me) - does what needs to be done

get it,got it? good.Here is how its been going lately:

Guy #3 (me) to Guy #2: Hey I'm here to work got everything ready?

Guy#2: Guy #1 didn't tell me there was work WAAH WAAH WAAH!!! I'm too busy right now WAAH WAAH WAAH CRY BABY CRY WOMP WOMP WOMP he cant just send you here first without letting me know WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!






MAN THE FUCK UP!!!! I DONT WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT! TURN OFF THE FUCKING YOUTUBE AND COME GET MY SUPPLIES SO WE CAN GET THIS SPACESHIP TO PLUTO BITCHASS!!!!!!

Sorry but I had to get that off my chest. This is that bitchassness Diddy was talking about. I swear I could create a blog just off the shit that goes on at my job alone.

This dude I work with came in the office while he was on vacation. Why? because he was "in the neighborhood". If it was me I don't care if I forgot Beyonce's phone number in my drawer I STILL wouldn't go in that summumabitch. Anyway, dude did what he had to do and walked up to the manager

Dude: I wanted to get a couple extra days added on to my vaca because I come back on a wednesday and I might as well get thur and fri too so I'll have that much longer with the weekend

Manager: Sorry man but we really need you. See you Wednesday

We wait till he leaves



OLSTUPIDASS! That's not how you extend your vaca, this how you extend your vaca

Manager : Hello?

Me: Hey this is n0days0ff aka Mackadocious I'm in Germany on my vaca and these guys with guns got the hotel surronded. Don't look on the news cause they say no cameras brave enough to come here. I believe if I fight my way out I can make it to Helsinki under the cover of dark by using the big dipper. I can catch a cargo plane and make it to the states by Sunday and see y'all on monday

Manager: WOW THAT"S A DILLY OF A PICKLE!!! See you monday ,no make it tuesday with pay.

That's how you call off. You can't be walking in your job all healthy looking and want sympathy. I wouldn't have gave him the days either.

what else? Oh yeah,I called my cousin who is having the financial problems. sigh...The lights in her store are off. I was actually suprised there was still a store.The part that really got me was the fact the lights are off and she still went in with the hope she would make some money. I got off the phone cause she kept passing the phone around too much.She made me talk to the lady who works for her (why hasnt she let her go yet?),one of her twins who just had a birthday (I don't got no money to buy 2 presents plus their momma prolly want sumn too).After they passed the phone to another of her kids I said bye cause I was getting mad. I'm trying to find out what's up and I gotta listen to some kid talking about what happened on Spongebob. My cousin made some joke about she was taking donations and I felt awkward. Not just because I didn't have it but it confirmed avoiding her while she was struggling was a good idea. She invited me to her moms house to cut a cake for the twins birthday tomorrow but I said no. She makes it sound like just come and eat but it will end up costing me much more money than the food is worth


Don't forget about my guest blog

Ghostdad

ain't nobody tell us it was fair
no love for my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
he passed away and i didn't cry cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
you say im wrong and i'm heartless but all along
when i was looking for a father he was gone

Tupac -Dear mama

I have never met my father. I don't even know what he looks like, fish eyed fool. About 2 years ago I told my mom I wanted to meet him and within a week she gave me his phone number. WHAT THE HELL???? you mean all this time all she had to do was make a couple calls and I could have had a dad? I was a little upset but that's my mama for you. Ok I'm going all over the place so let me backtrack.

2 years ago a friend of mine asked me to say some MC rhymes....

2 years ago promises was all I heard,wait a minute let me finishhhhhhhhhhhh


Ok I'm really starting this time. 2 years ago I got my fathers phone number and I was so nervous to talk to him. What would I say? Would I cuss his ass out? Would I act like everything was cool? I had so many questions. We spoke and it was cool. He didn't cry no tears of joy or nothing but he didn't call me an illegitimate bastard either. One thing I didn't like was the way he acted like his family was a secret club and I had to earn my way in. He said things would be between me and him at first and I shouldn't try to contact my brother or sister or it would be over for us. FUCK YOU!!!! In his defense he did tell me beforehand that he has a very blunt way of speaking so I shouldn't take what he says to heart.

Me and him speak on the phone a few times and it's not too bad actually. He is like a radiologist or something like that. The only thing I don't like is how he pumps me for information and knew where I lived down to my neighborhood but he wouldn't give me any info on him.After a couple weeks we make plans to meet face to face.... he never showed up. No call,no excuse no nothing. I was pretty bummed but my pride wouldn't let me call him and find out what happened. I am not about to kiss this guy's ass to get in his family.Shouldn't it be the other way around? He chickened out,obviously he didn't want to meet me and I'd be damned if I went to him groveling to be recognized. Something else that comes from these conversations is an alternate story to how him and my mom broke up


His version: When he met my mom she knew he was a pimp and she was cool with it (how you just gonna tell me my mama's a hoe? smh). She knew he had another woman but she kept getting feelings for him. She became pregnant and one day she went over his house and his other lady was there and wearing a chain my mom had given him. That was the last straw . My mom chunked the deuces and had her baby by herself and wouldn't let him see me. After a while he said fuck it and him and the lady got married and had some kids and are still married.

Her version: She never knew there was another woman. My dad played her (you see ? pimpings just in my blood.I cant help this mackadociousness thats all up in me.Im a pimp by blood not re-la-tion.I'm a victim of genetics.can you dig it?)She loved my father with all her heart and worked hard and bought him this beautiful gold chain. One day when she was pregnant she went to his house and found a woman there. To add insult to injury she was wearing the chain she had bought for my father. My mom still tried to let my dad be part of my life but he got married to that lady and started having his own kids and forgot all about little old me.



No that's not me but you get the picture. Anyway, she was so upset that she ripped up all her pictures of him and that's why I don't even know what my dad looks like.


I don't know which version is true and honestly I don't really give a fuck. I could see my mom doing that cause she is very stubborn and probably told him he couldn't see me and she could raise me all by herself without him and "that bitch". Fast forward to last Labor Day. My mom puts me in touch with my godfather because we were going to the same event. I haven't seen him since I was young but he was real cool and seemed to generally have affection for me. We kicked it all day, He says he knows my dad and sees him all the time



He said that if I wanted he could take me to his job,point him out then walk away cause he doesn't wanna be in the middle of it. So this is where you came in at. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go over there and kick his ass on the job and get him fired for fighting. We'd see how him and his perfect little family fared after that. The other part of me isn't really that angry. Yeah having two parents would have made life a little better. I would have had nicer clothes in school, probably learned to fight earlier and been more confident. Maybe had more guidance and would be rich now cause I'd finished school earlier.

At the same time I couldn't really imagine a better life than what I have. I have a great career, My little mama is easily one of the top 5 baddest chicks in the game. I ain't never been in jail or joined no gang or sucked dick for crack (2 out of 3 anyway......thats a joke). What the fuck do I really have to be mad about anyway? What he did in his life is something he will have to answer to god about. I turned out fine without him so I don't really need anything from him. The only thing that nags at me is not knowing what he looks like. I've heard I look like him. I'd like to see what I will look like in 20-30 years



Nappy chest hairs and all. What should I do y'all? I don't want to fight him, I just want to talk but he doesn't want nothing to do with me. If I dont go I'll never know but he is so secretive if I just pop up on him like a stalker I'll really drive him away and never get to meet my brother and sister. What do I do? Why must there always be drama in the LBC?

NEVER SAY NEVER

Fuck all that, I'm saying never. I am never ever ever drinking again.The last few weekends I have been hanging out with my friends who live a few doors down from me. They drink and I do it too just because. Last night our super invited us to come and knock a few back with him. He has the vodka but needs the other fixings. I go to the store with one of the dudes and buy the fruit cocktail. For whatever reason he does not buy the Sprite and we walk back home across the street. After like 30 min of nothing happening I go over their spot and ask what's up and they say if I buy the soda they will pay me back. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT 30 MIN AGO??? Now I really need a drink cause my nerves are too bad.

Anyway, we get to our super's and he starts womp womp womping us to death

super: I got this new plan to take all these old records I got and put them on cd to make exercise music. You see all these fat ladies walking around here? If they had some motivational music they would wanna exercise more........




He had already been drinking before we got there so his old ass is almost bouncing off the walls. He even drops on the floor and starts doing some girl push ups to show us he still got it.Bless his heart, his old ass aint do one REAL push up.He was just flexing his shoulders if you ask me. Anyway he makes the first round of drinks and I leave this atmosphere and was somewhere on mars when he starts recording the intro to his exercise tape.....while he's drunk.

super: Hey now ladies, this is for all y'all who ain't seen your poom poom in 2 years cause your gut hanging all over it. You got to lift up that gut and show him what you got.....


I am laughing my ass off in the corner with my drink cause I know he ain't gonna sell one damn copy



I mean who wants to work out to the Delfonics? After another drink I am no longer on mars but somewhere in the future and he starts womp womp womping us again.

Super: I figure if I charge $5.00 each cd and get some of yall to sell em for me, we could sell 100 a day and make $500 everyday

my friend: times 7 days a week that would be three hundred and fifty dollars

my reaction to this:



O......K we won't be letting him handle the money. The music starts back up and we grooving to all kinds of James Brown and Gap Band type stuff. The vodka has wrecked our systems like a tsunami on a small indian village. At one point everyone starts egging me on and I start doing the only dance I know



I moonwalked in place for like 20 min nonstop. I WAS GONE ON THAT WATER WATER!! I even took a couple videos and sent them to my friends and my lil mama. At this point my super starts doing the girl push ups again. I try to show him how to do a man's push up but because of the vodka I misjudge the floor and basically dive face first into the carpet and bust my lip. I jump back up and start moonwalking again and keep referring to my super as "Tito". I know you are saying to yourself where are the women at? There were none. This was a full unbridled sausage fest to the tenth power




A bunch of dudes dancing,drinking and doing push ups. CORNBREAD,NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!! By now the booze is finished and we go back to my friends spot. We shoot the shit for a little bit and the real tall one says he wants the Sprite I bought. I tell him he can't have my cornbread cause I'm from New York City. We shoot the shit for a little while longer and they start passing out in their beds so I walk home.

I wake up 7 hours later and I have the ill hangover.I go in the bathroom and dry heave for like 10 min,after that I just heave up all the fruit cocktail from the previous night. I promise myself that the yt man's nectar will never touch my lips again and head back to bed. My mouth is sooooooo dry at this point and I almost walk across the street to the store when I remember I left the nearly full sprite at my friends house. I go in there and he tells me the big one woke up early and straight guzzled my soda and passed out again. I look at my phone and I have all kinds of text messages asking me why am I moonwalking in the video and why I keep yelling at "Tito" to hold the camera straight?

So.... that was my saturday night, what did you do?

CHRISTMAS DON'T BE LATE

What's up sneeches? It is I N0days0ff. If you stay broke as my lil mama keeps me you know this is the time of year you start saving for christmas presents. This year there's only 1 thing that I really want, a 160 gig ipod.




I can't even imagine having every song in the world available at the tip of my fingers.one second I'll be listening to The Jets "crush on you" then Domino "ghetto jam". I can't even think about it now....it's just a lot to take in.

Anyway I figured I would kick off the season with a christmas edition of What you know about that? It's basically a list of christmas memories and traditions. There's so much I'll probably have to do 2 or 3 posts.Feel free to add on some of your christmas traditions and anecdotes. Feliz Navidad and stuff.

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT?

Egg Nog?




GOOD LAWD!!! my step father used to be gone off that egg nog mixed with his special juice he kept in a little flask in his boot. I can't even get started on that now, thats a whole other post

Nintendo?



after years and years of keith sweat-like begging ma dukes and her cheap ass finally got me a nintendo.Even though everyone had moved on to super nintendo and the like by then, I was still happy.Funny story is she was bringing it back from a plane trip she took. They ran the box through the x ray and saw the gun and damn near arrested my mama.She had to unpack the box and show them the gun was just a toy.Even then it still had to sit up there with the pilot until the plane landed.

Funny story 2.After all that begging, no one would let me plug the nintendo up to their tv so basically it was useless.There was like an urban legend going around that nintendos messed up tv's so my mama didn't wanna mess up our tv and the nintendo stayed in a box until I had my own tv....which by then I didnt want a wack ass nintendo no more

Mistletoe



I've never ever ever kissed anyone under a mistletoe so I don't know nothing about that. One time though we were having a christmas party at our house and this dude kept trying to catch my sister under the mistletoe,I cock blocked my ass off that night. Ain't no slobbin going on tonight my friend

Christmas albums



I love alll the christmas albums that come out.chestnuts roasting on an open fire and all that shit. A few favorites of mine include

*Christmas don't be late - Alvin the Chipmunks

me I want a huuuuuuuuullllllaaa hooooooppp. Lol gets me every time

*Santa baby - Eartha kitt

Santa cutie I need a duplex and checks....I love how she sounded ready to screw santa for some extra gifts under the tree. Nothing says I love baby jesus like that.

*The first noel- All 4 One

that last lick they hit always puts tears in my eyes.....or maybe its the egg nog,who knows?


Christmas Story



what would christmas be without watching Ralphie beg for that BB gun every year? YOU"LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT!!! FRA-GEE-LEE

The Christmas tree



Can I be real for a second? I almost got kinda misty eyed when I saw this pic. I just realized how hard it must have been for my mom to pay all the bills and still scrape up enough money to buy us a christmas tree and decorate it for us. When you a kid you just think about what you don't have and never grateful for what you DO have.I don't ever pretend she was an angel or nothing like that but Dukes had a hell of a job on her hands raising 4 kids. We always ate, not brand name good stuff but we ate. Never had the lights cut off,never no eviction notice on the door, none of that.She never made much money and now that I'm older I realize how crazy it is to bust your ass all the time just to make sure your kids ate. She never had no furs or nice jewelry or none of that. All she did was go to work everyday and bring us some food home.

I remember one time in high school Ma Dukes tried to walk me to school and I kept trying to get rid of her to the point she got mad and turned around and went home. I feel so bad about that sometimes. We were both wrong, her for not doing stuff like that when I was young enough to welcome it, and me for not being happy that I had a damn mama who cared. All I could think about was how no girls would talk to me if they saw my mommy walking me to school.All I cared about was being mr cool and I ended up hurting her feelings. I'm a piece of shit for that.She got out of her bed and got dressed so she could spend a little extra time with me and my stupid ass couldn't even appreciate that.Now Dukes is in a better place.....she lives in Connecticut.