N.E. Heartbreak

Never mind, I'll find someone like you - Adele

I broke things up with Karen, I hated to do it but it had to be done. I really liked her too but I promised myself that if a relationship is bringing me sadness instead of happiness I would end it. The whole point of getting a girlfriend was to have someone to date and have sex with. I can be lonely and horny on my own, I don't need any help.


For a solid month me and this girl been vibing and dating. Hours long phone calls everyday and sweet nothings via text. Expensive dinners and trips to brooklyn to see her. Everytime I try to get her over to the crib....nothing! I told her that its ok if we don't have sex just as long as she comes over and watches a movie with me or something.I'm not gonna force her to do anything she doesn't want. Do I look like a rapist or something? Maybe its the mustache. What's the point of staying on the phone all night every night when she could just pop over and chill? I don't want someone trying to hold on to their panties with dear life, not right now anyway. After my last relationship that is the absolute last thing I need. I want someone young and free and looking for fun.

We talked last night and she said that something that concerned her about me was I party a lot. I don't really but this last month I have been hitting the clubs on the weekend pretty regularly. I don't apologize for that ,if she gave me a reason I'd stay home with her every night. One of the reasons I hit the club is I honestly don't have anything better to do. At this point in my life I feel I've earned the right to be a little selfish. I want somebody to make me feel special,I don't want it to always be the other way around.

So many women in the world
I gotta find myself a girl - Tevin Campbell


I guess I'm back to square one then. I could have kept her on the side and worked on her for a bit longer but I didn't want the frustration of not seeing it go as fast as I liked. I don't necessarily need a chick who fucks on the first night but gotdammit 2012 might be our last year and I'm not gonna spend 8 mon of it waiting for a girl to make up her mind.

Is it wrong to fuck someone else while you wait for your main interest to get sexually active? Was I supposed to wait and not fuck anybody else? Da fuck I get outta that? Karen always made allusions to me having other girls, I think her thinking that made her be more cautious with me. I told her I didn't have nobody else but I guess she thought I was too fine and smooth to not have any other options, oh well. What the fuck did she expect anyway? I'm really gonna miss her cause she had a banging body and was really cool but I gotta keep on keepin on. My life is about making ME happy first now,can't put nobody else ahead of that.

Thug Life

I'm looking for a thug girl,where they at? - Master P

Opposites attract, and I always float toward these hoodrat/ Lisaraye/New jack city types. Lately though I been getting involved with some straight up thug girls. I was at this bday party a couple weeks back. My friends were acting like a couple of menopausal bitches so I went dolo. It was the bday of this really hot girl we work with so there were a lot of people I knew there. I was in the corner jack danieled up looking better than Trey Songz and shit when I seen this girl I wanted to get with for the longest. She didn't work with us anymore cause she got fired for trying to be slick. She was goin on vacation and tried to call out the day before and the day after she came back. We used to always talk but I never hollered at her cause I look so stupid in my security uniform. I approach her doing my birdman handrub that all guys do because we think it makes us look cool. We were talkin for a while when I get straight to the actual factuals. She told me she wants to but she has a boyfriend so she can't. I told her she might as well cause her and him wasn't gonna make it anyway but she laughed and said no.I was let down but she told me I should holla at her friend who was with her and she would even go to the bathroom so I could make it happen.

I didn't really like being passed on to second best but I would rather leave with 1 phone # then none. Its a cold winter, don't judge me! Her friend and I are talking and she tells me she's from Harlem. I jokingly ask her if she's a blood and she laughs and says no....she's a crip. I asked her if I broke her heart if I'd prolly get jumped the next day, she laughed....but didn't say no.so....yeah that's gonna be something.

I was talking to Karen about frats n gangs and shit and she told me she almost joined the bloods. She was ready to be jumped in and everything but this one really big dude joined the crows and she realized if he jumped her in she wouldn't have made it so she backed out. I asked her if she wasn't scared to fight all those people and she shrugged.I like my girls hood flavored but I don't know if I want a chick tougher than me. I guess I just attract them thug girls.
I had a big day with my friends on wednesday. After work we met up and went to this cocktail party they were having at this art gallery. It was kinda surreal me sipping champagne at an art gallery and having fun. No more sitting in my room all day waiting for my bitch ex to call me. After a while we left cause the art crowd was a little too white for us. Its like if nick cannon joined the cast of seinfeld, plus too many paintings of naked dudes for us. We went out to dinner at Applebee's, a place I'm becoming a little too familiar with. We decided since our company stopped throwing holiday parties that we would meet up every year to throw our own. We talked about our love lives,careers and families. This is the same crew I went to the wedding in Connecticut for so we are all pretty good friends.

After dinner we headed to this bar that has a nightclub in the basement. I was already tipsy from the art gallery drinks but my friends tried to make me drink some beer and I couldn't hang. I tried but I just couldn't down the shit. Beer tastes like crap to me. We had a few friends in the club and one of em was a dynamo on the floor. He had a gastric bypass and lost like 100 lbs last year so he has like a new found hunger for life. He was dancing with all the girls, 1,2 even 3 at a time. I was really proud of him, he didn't let life kick his ass and tell him what he couldn't do. He put on his steel toe boots and kicked life in its ass and told it to bring him a beer. Good shit gastric bypass kid.

What is your drink of choice? I need one so bad cause I just usually order what my friends are drinking cause I don't really drink. I might go for a coco-loso at times but the white bars never know what that is. That's coconut ciroc and pineapple juice, I usually have to tell the white bartenders how to make it. Step your marketing up Puff.

After the club we staggered to the train station white college girl wasted. I climbed in my bed and was thankful I actually had a life for once. Now if we could just get some more sex popping then things would be all good.


Sincerely, White girl wasted

Smash or pass

Sighhhh why must there always be drama in the LBC? Why can't I have a
normal love life? Here's the scoop : Me and "Karen" have been talking
for about a month now, been on 3 official dates and have only kissed.
I been trying to lure her over to the "cockpit" for like a couple
weeks now but shit has been going slow. Each date has cost me about
$100 and hours upon hours of talking on the phone. Am I wrong to want
some ass this early? My roommate is taking down a different hot chick
every other day and he NEVER takes girls out. I don't mind putting in
a little more time but my boys are saying that she needs to pump or
get dumped. I don't really want no serious relationship so I'm not too
keen into putting a lot of time and money into a chick even if we were
fucking. I might end up even having to buy this whore a xmas presnt.
At the same time I have to be realistic because the chicks I like are
usually pretty hot so I gotta realize I gotta put in some more work
than normal to hit it. What makes it worse is my baggage from my ex. I
put so much time and $ into her and basically got nothing out of it. I
don't wanna make that mistake again, esp knowing she was fuckin
someone else while I poured all my resources into her and didn't fuck
noone else..

I got a couple other girls I am working on but they aren't like Karen.
I can't really date all of them cause it can get pretty pricey.I don't
want to dump this girl but sometimes boys just wanna have fun, word to
Cindi Lauper. I don't wanna wait for this life to be over.I want to
know right now what will it be. One of my friends gave me a pretty
good solution: stop asking Karen out on dates! Just talk to her on the
phone for free and eventually she will come over or we will end it.
Either way my shillings stay in my pox. What do you think I should do?
Sighhhh why must there always be so much gotdamn drama in the lbc?

Lobster and scrimps

Karen and I had our first date, sighhh where do I begin? She was 3
hrs late!!! We made plans all week to meet up saturday at noon because
I have to go to work at 3:30. We even confirmed friday night at like
3am. She calls me sat at 9 am to tell me she would meet me at 1
because she didn't get enough sleep when we got off the phone. So
that's 1 hour off right there I told her I don't mind as long as we
are done at 3:30 so I can get off work. I get some more sleep and get
ready. We were supposed to go to Ruth's Chris. She calls me while I'm
by the restaurant and says it will be around 1:45. So we are close to
2 hours off schedule now and I tell her to remember that I have to
leave for work at 3:30.

She ends up getting to the area around 2:30ish and it takes forever
for her to find parking. She tells me that her sister asked to get in
the bathroom before her and took forever, then her brother ran in
there and took a long time so that why she was so late, whatever. She
ends up parking around 3:00 and I tell her that all we can do is grab
a slice, she says she doesn't really eat pizza like that. At this
point it is pretty obvious I'm a little peeved from waiting around all
day and now our date is canceled. She drops me by my job and promises
to come see me after work. Before I get out the car we hug and she
says she doesn't want to kiss me because she doesn't want to smear her
lipstick. I told her she can reapply it and she says true and we sit
in the car kissing for a while.

She calls me at 11:56 but I was still working,I get off work at
midnight and I call her,no answer.I text her,no answer.I am getting
frustrated because its hella cold outside and I have no idea why she
aint pickin up. I call her intermittently over the course of an hour
and get to the point where I'm sending her some pretty surly texts
lol. I tell her how its bullshit that she already was 3 hrs late
earlier and now I'm waiting for her again.I told her I was pissed off
and was going home. Before I can jump my sexy ass on the train she
called back apologizing,turns out she was parked close by my job and
took a little cat nap while she was waiting for me and dozed all the
way off. I believed her but at the same time I am a little skeptical.
My ex was the worst liar on planet earth so I don't trust anyone far
as I can throw them as a result of that.

We go to Applebee's and soon as the waiter comes over I knew I was in
trouble. He asks her what she wants to drink and I'm expecting her to
say like a coke or dr pepper this chick says a daquiri and starts
describing what kind of flavoring she wants in there. The waiter was
trying to work with me and asked if she wanted a regular and she said
she wanted the mucho size.....oh brother,let me break out the
checkbook.

This chick gets extra FRENCH and orders a big ass steak with shrimps
melted on top of it with cheese. Steak with shrimps on top of it!?! I
never even heard of that before, isn't that a bit much? that's like a
shark with a laser strapped to its head. She gets all kinds of loaded
mashed potatoes n extra shit I've never heard of. I told the guy to
give me a half slab of ribs and he said they don't do half slabs.
That's a damn lie cause I've had a half slab from applebees before.

The check comes out to $96, 82 plus the $14 gratuity.I make sure the
guy knows I've tipped him by mentioning the $14. He makes this
pathetic face and says he has to share that with the whole wait staff
and now I feel bad. He was an african Amistad looking kid,prolly
trying to pay his way through school. Why am I such a pushover? I give
him a couple of bucks for himself.

I love how cheap women are when they are alone but let somebody else
be paying for it then all of a sudden they are pronouncing the names
of rare french wines correctly with the proper accents and all. Do
yall do that on purpose ladies? Ball out cause someone else paying?
All my homies said they would have DEMANDED some ass if it was them. I
don't know how to be grimey and up front like them. I do know I gotta
make sure my pockets are proper before going out with this chick
again. Just dinner almost wiped me out but dinner AND an
activity?..... Boy looky here.

All in all it was a very good date,real hot girl,great food,real good
conversation. We even kissed some more as she dropped me by my train.
I didn't like the punctuality issues or the bill but I guess the bill
is just part of dating. I def wanna see her some more.

The next morning I went to brunch with a friend of mine to laugh about
the previous nights date. Look at me!!!! Having a life and shit. We
drank mimosas, which I learned is orange juice and champagne. I got
stupid drunk in the middle of the day. I know she was laughing cause I
was chowing down on the toast like it was school free lunch lol. That
shit was good!! She has a really funky style, she reminds me of
Solange. Anytime we meet up I can always spot her from a distance
cause her hair is so funky and free,just like her.

After brunch we took pictures and looked at the fish in the fish tanks
(yeah we were pretty blitzed) and went to bryant park and the candy
store. We decided to make it kind of a constant thing to meet up in
the city to talk about our fablous lives. That sounds very gay and sex
and the cityish now that I think about it......

Flavor of the week

What a week!! This is the first time I felt like had an actual life.

On wednesday me and a few friends had plans to meet up at 5 to go play
paintball. At about 3 I remember I still didn't have a suit for the
wedding on friday. I go to get a suit and the guy in there tried to
sell me the whole store. He made me slip on a blazer and when I saw
the tag said $600 I slid right out of it carefully so as not to rip
it. I ended up getting a nice dark power suit, I looked better than
Billy Dee Williams in a old colt 45 commercial. While they were
tailoring the suit to fit my arms the guy brought me some shoes. They
were $130 so I gave him the look and he took them away. While I'm
waiting he brings me a shirt n tie combo I supposedly can't resist and
they end up being $100 I sighh and the dude gives up....then tries to
sell me some cuff links. At least he is consistent.

After the suit we met up but I couldn't go paintballing because I had
on my business work clothes. If I get hit with a paintball it would
bleed though and mess up my Gordon Gartrelle shirt. I always thought
that you change out of your clothes and into some fatigues they give
you. But they told me I need clothes underneath and my shoes will get
splattered too.My other friend Sam forgot his I.D. Anyway so we
couldn't go paintballing. I suggested we go bowling cause I've been
dying to go to this little bowling alley in harlem. I'd visited it the
week before on a scouting trip and the environment was fun,the price
was right and most importantly there were PLENTY of nice girls around.
We couldn't go bowling because they serve alcohol and Sam didn't have
his I.D. He started looking real sheepish at this point. He says he
leaves the house with his work I.d. Tag and never figured he would
need state identification. Whatever. The only thing we could think of
to do that didn't need I.d. Is ice skating.

How the hell do 3 dudes leave the house to go paintballing n shooting
each other down and end up doing triple toe loops n shit? I don't know
but that's what happened. I skated like an angel that day, everyone
stopped and looked in awe. They lined up 8 barrels for me to jump and
I did a backflip over them. It was like I was born to.....ok I'm
lying, I looked like an ostrich on roller skates. I feared for my life
the whole time. It didn't help that these 10 year old justin bieber
assholes kept zipping by me at 100 mph. I shook my fist at them like
an angry old man. I really had fun, we ate crunch n munch and hot
dogs. It was one of those moments where I stood back and looked at me
sitting on the bench with my friends drinking hot chocolate and
laughing and realized how far I'd come. I'm going to be okay.

After ice skating we went to toys r us to buy my nephews Modern
Warfare 3. We had a blast in there. I think times square is the worlds
biggest toys r us but I'm not sure. We wandered aimlessly around times
square for a while then we took the train home. I stayed up all night
pigging out on junk food , playin video games and internet surfing.
Other than the fact that there was no sex I would say it was an
absolutely perfect day.

The next day was thanksgiving so I already knew that day was gonna be
great. I slept till I couldn't anymore (nothing better than that).
Surfed the net to see what movies,music,pronos and news I should catch
up on. I went to Canarsie to see the fam and ate till I was stuffed.
My cousin really outdid herself this year : turkey,macaroni, lasagna,
deviled eggs. I ate myself into a coma .....no homo. I played modern
warfare with the kids,told my niece how beautiful she is and paid my
couisn the cost of all the ingredients. I gotta do for my family cause
they always hold me down no matter what. After that I went to the
club. Another really great day. My first day off in I don't know how
long.

The next day was friday and my friends wedding in connecticut. Oh what
a day that was. I woke up to 2 paychecks hitting my direct deposit
like KABLOWIE!! I put on my suit and I wanted to kiss myself , I was
so fly. I had some extra time so I treated myself to some new shoes.
It feels sooo good to spend $ on myself and not have to worry about
someone else calling and crying for $ or school clothes for their
kids. My boy Alex and his wife picked me up and we had a BLAST on the
2 hour road trip. We stopped off at this random ass mcdonalds and had
mcribs and laughed some more. We get to the wedding and it was
beeeeautiful. The brides parents paid for it and I honestly couldn't
imagine a better wedding. Only thing missing was Beyonce singing "At
last". We ate filet mignon and drank champagne. We danced and laughed
and teased the groom. We took endless pictures and I had to laugh at
how funny life is. Just a few months ago I thought my life was so
horrible and I would never smile again but I'm actually going to be ok
it seems. The wedding lasted from about 5-11 pm.we drove back and
almost died 3 times on the road (I'm not fucking joking). Alex' wife
kept falling asleep and she was supposed to be reading the directions
off the GPS . We kept missing turns cause when he would ask her right
or left her ass was knocked out. That shit was too funny, I was in the
back seat laughing my drunk ass off. I went home and surfed the net
for hours and nibbled on thanksgiving leftovers. Wish I woulda got
some ass but other than that it was another near perfect day. I only
saw 2 girls who caught my eye at the wedding: the first one was my
good friends wife ( she was fucking STUNNING). Light skinned,real
pretty face,short Toni Braxton hairstyle and so damn thick I wanted to
cry. Obviously I wasn't going to try to talk to her but if me and him
weren't such good friends...The other girl was pretty hot too but she
was booed up with this dude the whole time. A couple of times we
locked eyes and exchanged lustful looks but alas I never got a good
chance to walk up to her when dude wasn't around.

Saturday I worked all day, I kept thinking about how I was pretty much
the only one at the wedding without a date. At times it was fine but a
couple times everyone urged me out to the dance floor and I felt so
awkward dancing alone to the boogie. I didn't necessarily want a
girlfriend but I needed to make a couple of "friends" that I could
call on if something like that ever happened again. After work I got
dressed and headed to the club. I had this new Sean John shirt I'd
been dying to wear and my fav rocawear jeans on. I gave myself a
little pep talk, spritzed my body in Gucci cologne and hit the scene.
I knew it was going down that night, I could just feel it.

Sam and I hung around for a while but as usual he didn't have any
identification so he couldn't go in the club. He hung outside with me
for a while until I went in. I didn't have a wingman but I was gonna
have to complete the mission solo.I wasn't gonna be that pathetic
friend sitting at the singles table by himself at the next weekend. I
had ended up sitting next to the only other single guy and Alex teased
me mercilessly that he wasmy date.The scene was pretty packed and
everyone was having fun. I was trying to work up the courage to
approach some girls when I saw her. She had on a nice pink top and
some black pants. She was gorgeous, had a really really nice body and
red streaks in her hair. She turned to say something to her friend and
GOTDAMMMMNNNN I thought I'd never stop seeing ass!!!! I had to have
her.

All the fellas wondering how I left with you
Its cause my game was tight
Everything turned out right that night - Ginuwine

I took a sip of liquid courage,checked my breath then approached her.
First I got a smile, then I got a laugh, then I got a dance, then I
got her number. It was one of those moments where everything lined up.
All my jokes were funny,I felt good, I felt like I looked good,
everything was right. We stayed by each others side all night,dancing
and laughing. Her name is Karen and she is the sweetest thing ever.
We have the longest phone convos I swear. One night we talked for 5
hours, I kept having to change phones and batteries. The next night we
talked until 4:30 am I was literally fallin asleep but didn't wanna
hang up lol.

she cheated and im pissed

Found out my lil mama was cheating on me the whoooole time we were together,sighhhhhhh. In my entire life I've never ben so enraged,hurt,vengeful etc. I've sacrificed the last few years of my life to help this chick raise her kids and pa her bills and found out it was all bullshit.

Found out through facebook. She had told me she moved back in with her mom because she couldn't aford living on her own anymore. Her sis and daughter were stil taking pics in front of the place she supposedly moved out of. Meanwhile I was giving her extra money to help her move into a new place cause she sounded so miserable living at home. When I sit and think about how much this chick has taken from me I just wana scream.

I did learn one thing though,never put no one else before myself no matter what. I was in that relatonship not paying my bills on time,not living the life I wanted,not enjoyng my family n friends al because I was so wrapped up in chick and what she had going on.

I wil tell the full story when I have more time but basically I found out that I was working 2 jobs 7 days a week to give her $ to take care of her kids,meanwhile her n her baby daddy were back together. I freaked out,she almost called the police on me,her mama had to call me to calm me down,then lil mama called to apologize.sighhhhh why must there always be so much drama in the LBC?