THEY GONNA MAKE ME UNLEASH THE DRAGON!!!!

I am sooooooo UPSET!!!!!!!!!
Last night I was over my neighbors house watching Ray J, we had a good time. I left and went to bed. They smoked herbals and one of their boys got ready to go. They were all kinda tipsy and in no shape to drive. The guy said he was gonna walk home because he didn't live too far away. My skinny neighbor said that was no good, he should take a cab home. The dude didn't have enough for a cab, the skinny dude didn't have enough for a cab and Shaq didn't have enough for a cab either. They come and wake me up. I told them I didn't have any money but the ATM was right across the street. They said it was closed but I showed them the front door was still open so they still had enough time to run to the ATM because the guys know us well because we go over there several times a day. I could tell by their reluctance none of them had any money in the bank to go withdraw and they looked hopefully at me to pull my card out. I wished them all a good night and shut my door. Since I was up I decided to go throw my garbage away because I could smell it and walked up on my neighbors talking shit about me. The big one was saying how I should have gave them the money becuase I make more than anybody there . He said I pissed him off.




I asked him what his problem was , they were startled to see me. Shaq tried to play it off but once I'm mad I AM MAD!!!!!!! He said I'm always trying to play broke but and I should stop that because I make more than anybody there. I hate when he brings that up because I also have more expenses than anyone there . He always follows that with I'm only broke cause I spend all my money on my girl,So what am I supposed to mo, dump her so I'll have more money to loan you?I told him to stop watching my pockets and worry more about himself and he wouldn't be broke all the time. This fool just got back like $5,000 the other week from taxes, tell me why he's broke already. He bought all kinds of stupid shit: mad outfits,new shoes, the little perfect pushup thing from tv (DE HELL???) , a new ipod stereo (EVEN THOUGH HE ALREADY HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD ONE), treated all his friends to several meals, went out like EV-E-RY day etc.. this fool was so used to ballin that he would go out with hundreds of dollars in pocket just in case he saw something he liked. Big doofus went out one night and $500 fell out his pocket,lost forever. Oh he was sick about that.


He went on and on about how he should have put that money in the bank (DUH!!) blah blah blah. I was so pissed last night I could barely sleep. They always make fun of me because even though I make a lot of money (to some people) I spend it all on my girls bills. While that may be stupid (again,to some people) I don't have to ask anybody for anything . I do not want beef with them but I will not be hanging out with them that much anymore, I have said this before but this time I feel really pissed and betrayed. You think people are your friends but soon as you can't do something for them they wanna start looking at you funny. I hate when a rapper blows up and you see some dude on youtube talmbout mc bubblicious fisheyes didnt give me any of his money blah blah he turned his back on the hood.Remember in "Paid in Full" when the uncle kidnapped his own nephew for ransom? I hate people like that, playa hatin from the sidelines,go get your own shit. Why you ridin mines?

KEEP YOUR BLOG LOCKED DOWN

I.HATE.GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was logged in to blogger and a coworker came to help me pick a vacation package for when me and my lil mama go to vegas. He goes to google on my pc and F***ng google had my blog email in the corner. I wanted to die. He stayed on my pc for a while and every time he went to google there was my address again for all to see.If that wasn't bad enough, after he goes back to his desk, I SEE HIM LOGGING IN TO BLOGGER!!!!!!! I'm not sure he was going to my page but I didn't take any chances. I made mine private asap. I considered closing the blog down or even moving it,those are still options for now but the blog stays up at least for a little while. I always knew this day would come but mama never told me when.

My lil mamas friend started messing with this NFL player and would like nothing more than for my girl to get her one too. She tried to invite her to this NFL party they are having in vegas but my girl said no. I have never met the friend but I don't think we are gonna hit it off. Which is gonna be crazy because the more she doesnt like me the more she's gonna try to get my girl to cheat.

They fired one of the chefs from our cafeteria because he had a real shitty attitude. I mean this dude wouldn't even speak sometimes, you would ask him for french toast and he would never even acnowledge your existence until 5 min later when he put your food in front of you, so rude. Anyway, the other chef there heard they was firing people for bad attitudes and now he turned into motherfucking Martin Lawrence in the kitchen. Dude be cracking all kinds of unnecessary jokes and making conversation with you. JUSTMAKEMYMOTHERFUCKINGBREAKFASTSOTHENEWGUYCANRINGITUPFOR$1.64!!!! Shit, I can't even get a turkey wrap now without a damn 20min monologue.I guess I shouldn't have gotten the old chef fired,oh well.

So....has anyone ever discovered your blog/myspace?

FRIENDS, HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM?

My lil mama says my brain never stops working on something.

Lil mama: (during a conversation we had a few weeks ago) The way my brain works is if Jill had 2 apples and Jack gave her two apples I say she has 4 apples and am done with it. You on the other hand are trying to see if he gave her 2 apples did she give him some oranges,if he actaually owed her some apples from last week, are the apples rotten therefore being no good which means she only has 2 edible apples etc....


She is right, I can't help that. Anyway the other night I was falling asleep when I finally realized why I had such a problem with her going out of town with her friend. ITS THE GIRL SHE'S GOING WITH!!!!!!!!!! I felt such a relief to finally be able to pinpoint my feelings. Her friend is kind of....wild. She keeps 3 or 4 dudes in rotation and STAYS in the club or at social events to see who's gonna pay her rent that month. Not that there is anything wrong with that, you only live once. If she meets a dude who wants to buy her a new wardrobe and fly her to the party puffy is having at his house, who am I to tell her not to take advantage of that? My problem is she always wants my lil mama todo it tooNo matter how many times my lil mama tells her that she's not into that kind of stuff anymore this girl still calls her and tries to tell her she met these two dudes who wanna take them shopping and all that. She has no regard for our relationship and thinks the objective in life is to get paid, not to be struggling to pay your bills cause you are in "love". That's her opinion and she's entitled to it but you can't expect me to not feel a way about that when I know she's constantly trying to get my girl to cheat on me or sneak behind my back.



I can relate because my friends try to get me to cheat on my lil mama all the time, that's life. In their own way they feel they have your best interest at heart. I feel so good to be able to put a face on my problems rather than just be an angry jerk and I don't know why.

Now that we have that out of the way, what else is going on? My sister was PISSED OFF at my cousins boyfriend. He was supposed to take her to the airport the day after the funeral. Dude went out earlier in the day to "hang out with his friends" (my lil mama swears he is cheating)and no matter how many times my sis called him he would not pick up his phone. My cousins friend took her to the airport instead and when she is getting her ticket checked thats when this fool calls and tells her he is pulling up to the house to get her. Sigh..... she said she wanted to hang up on him so bad but didn't cause of our cousin. Background on this dude : he has no job, and is basically good for nothing so anytime he messes up it looks like he is the biggest screw up in the world.

My cousin with the financial troubles (yes the same one with the good for nothing boyfriend, let's call her Brenda) is finally being foreclosed this month. She is moving in with her dad. I think it is a good thing. Now that she's working and has less bills to pay she should be able to get back on her feet.

The new dude who works in the cafeteria at work keeps ringing up my $5 pancakes and sausage breakfast for $1.64



and NO I am not gonna tell him shit. It's a recession, I consider it my own personal little bailout.


There is this nerdy kid at work who gets teased by this bully every day. He is always saying the nerdy kid is gay or a virgin and sometimes it can be funny when the nerdy kid tries to defend himself. The other day did not disappoint

Bully: I'm gonna stop teasing you because yo seem like the type to show up tomorrow with a shotgun

Nerd: yeah and the first thing I'm gonna do is shove it up your ass

ONE SWEET DAY

Last night I saw you in my dreams
now I can't wait to go to sleep

Kanye


The lady who makes the food is dead :(




My aunt passed away and even though I saw it coming I still can't believe it. I used to live with her as a teenager because my mom had a lot going on at the time. She would come home from work and go to her favorite place, the stove. I wonder how I stayed so skinny through high school cause I had a big meal every single day. Anyway my oldest sis got on everybodys nerves by constantly asking us how much we were putting for the funeral when we'd already told her we don't have anything. To understand our annoyance you have to know my oldest sis' boyfriend/common law husband takes care of all her bills. She could lay her chunky ass in bed all day everyday and there would still be food in the fridge. She has never faced the cold world alone like we have. She lived under our moms roof till her early twenties then moved in with her common law husband. Girlfriend has extra money put away and just can't understand why the rest of us don't. Her and our mom had a pretty nasty argument because she thinks mom is holding out instead of believing she's tapped out. She reminds me of when they asked John Mccain if we were in a recession and he said no cause he's so out of touch.

My oldest sis is flying in and wanted to stay with me, I told her no because

A: She is so judgemental.My place is just a little hole in the wall and I don't want her here judging me like she always does. They would never put this place on MTV cribs but I don't care,it's mine and I love it.

B. I live far away from where the events will be and I don't want to have to plan a whole weekends worth of activities for her. I just wanna show up, pay my respects, do a 10 minute solo of "Mary don't you weep/A closer walk with thee/ I miss my homies" and leave.

C. She will dig in my pockets deep. This girl has no sense of independence cause she's always been under somebody's wing. She will show up without a dime and want me to buy her everything from meals to an outfit for the funeral.

D. I love her to PIECES, lord knows I do but she can be so fucking irritating sometimes.

She asks to stay with me and I said no. That was last week , the other night I call her and ask her where she is staying and she says she doesn't know. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!! she is so frustrating!!! I gave her an extra week to find somewhere to stay and she didn't ask anyone (see reason D.)How the fuck do you fly somewhere without knowing where you will stay?

This is thursday night and she is coming friday. I tell her fine, she can stay with me.She also tells me she will be flying in around the time of the wake. I get pissed cause I will not be able to go to the wake cause the airport is an hour and a half away from the wake plus all the nonsense of the airport itself. She tells me to go and she will wait till its over. I spend friday cleaning up my place and doing laundry etc..I ask her to let me know when she boards the plane and she does. The airport is two and a half hours away from me so I leave the house around 6:30 to meet her 9:00 flight. I get there just to find out she had one of our cousins pick her up and I was INCREDIBLE HULK MAD!!!!!!! GOODNESS GRACIOUS I dont know if ive ever been so mad in all my life. She claims when she said I should go to the wake when she said she'd wait that meant she'd wait for someone else to pick her up so I wouldn't miss the wake. Once again look at reason D.

So I waste about 6 hours of my life for no reason at all friday night.

Saturday: Before I leave my house I check the bible to make sure it's not a sin to look too good because I was FLYYY-YYYYY-YYYYY. I looked so clean I almost broke my anonymous rule and posted the pic on here. I call my cousin and ask her to wait for me cause I will ride to the funeral with her because n0days0ff does not have a good sense of direction. I call her when I was 15 minutes away and ask her if I missed them and she said no but I need to hurry cause they'll be leaving shortly. I hightail it over there and am pissed off because NOONE over there is even dressed.

My cousin drops me to my uncle's because there are not enough people to fill the limo out so I ride to the funeral with him.I walk in the church and hear the doors open after me, I turn around and there is my mother. SHE MADE IT!!!!! Last time I saw her was like 8 months ago when we thought my aunt would not make it through the night. My sis calls me and asks me to go to the store and buy her a bottled water because thats the only thing she drinks (reason D.) As I go to leave they ask me to bring in the casket with my family and thats when I saw it: my beautiful aunt's body is in that casket and today we will bury her and never see her again. The lady who makes the food has died and nothing else seems to matter.

Everybody gathers around the casket and we carry it up the stairs into the church. We are so careful because she deserves all the peace in the world. We carry the casket as if she is alive and we dont want to disturb her rest. My sister comes in after this and asks me for her water, I tell her I had to bring the body in, she asks me why I didn't buy it after and I proceed to ignore her for the rest of the service.

It was a beautiful funeral, I've never seen people cry so hard but then again the world has never lost such a beautiful soul.My cousins daughter just stood there crying her little 8 year old eyes out and nothing we said could make her stop.My cousin broke down for her mom and it broke my heart. As I stood with my arm around my mother while she cried, I realized I'm not ready to lose her. Lord please don't ever take her from me.We threw our flowers in her grave and said our piece. I never want to see my mother cry like that again, I can't take it. We cried, sang, ate and laughed. It is a beautiful thing to gather with all your loved ones and put all your differences aside. My mother saw sisters she had not seen in years and me and my middle sister spoke for the first time in 4 years. The kids made posters with my aunts pictures and she watched over us as we ate at the reception. Yes I did take a plate home because you know how I roll. Deuces.

EVEN GRASS GROWS

Ladies leave your man at home
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
And all you fellas leave your girl with her friends
Cause it's eleven thirty and the club is jumpin', jumpin'

Last weekend you stayed at home alone and lonely
Couldn't find your man, he was chillin' with his homies
This weekend you're going out
If he try to to stop you, you're goin' off
You got your hair done and your nails done too
A new outfit and your Fendi shoes
And when you're through parlayin' at the hottest spot
Tonight you're gonna find the fellas
Rollin' in the Lexus, drops and Hummers

It seems like it's getting longer and longer in between posts from me. Anyway me and my lil mama had our lovers weekend and everything was great, we went to the movies, ate out, did some shopping,laughed and argued. It was great to live a normal life like everyone else without all the long distance strain. Let me tell you about the arguing cause I'm sure that's what you want to hear anyway.

We had a humongous blowout because she wants to go out of town with her friends and I told her I wasn't cool with that. Honestly I don't know why I don't like it but I don't. I've known my lil mama for years before we got together and she would have never told her old boyfriend that she was gonna go out of town with her girls to party and shop. She never really could go past her mailbox without his permission and she seemed fine with that. I guess I grew accustomed to her being like that too. I don't say it to make myself look any better but my girl is fine. Not sorta cute .She is Beyonce Lisaraye Vanessa Williams I'd drink her bathwater and slap my mama kind of fine. Whenever she goes to even the supermarket there's always some dude pulling up in a benz or lambo promising her the glamorous life and unseen riches.


***break*** in the middle of writing this post I was able to put into words the feeling I had. My biggest fear in a relationship is not that I would get cheated on, its that I would get cheated on and not know about it. If I found out, I could say screw her and move on but I would hate for her to have a lover and still be coming home and washing her car and cutting the grass while she gave some guy the ass.

Now that I've had that little epiphany I can write clearer. I felt like her going out of town and clubbing with her girls and staying in some hotel without her kids anywhere in sight was like a free pass to cut loose and do things she normally wouldn't do. She could spend the whole night fucking some dude and going to dinners and riding around in some dope boys lexus for days at a time and I would not know anything about it. At least at home she has the kids and work and her mama etc to cock block her activities.

I know I know what you are thinking (raider wifee and sexxy luv) SHE CAN DO ALL THAT AT HOME REGARDLESS. Sigh...I know. After arguing for hours I came to that realization too. If a woman is gonna cheat on you she is gonna do it no matter what. Even if you keep her in the house 24/7 and only let her out once a year to get a physical by the doctor , if she wants she can screw that doctors brains out while you read readers digest in the waiting room. It is so hard for me to give somebody that kind of trust. I've had moments where I realized I could cheat on her and she'd NEVER find out but I didn't take it and I guess I realized she could also cheat on me and I would never even realize it and it scared me a little, ok a lot. I did a lot of growing in that argument and learned a lot of things.

1. She hates when I bring up what she told me as friends about her previous relationships. I was upset about that because I feel if you've known someone for 9 years why do I have to pretend I've only known you for 2 years? She hates being proven wrong and the fact that I can bring up a time when she did the exact opposite of what she is saying really makes her mad. that's a situation where we are both right and we are both wrong (it happens sometimes). I don't like feeling I can't say whats on my mind because it will make you mad. Deal with it. If you say your girlfriend crashed her mans car and lied about it and you feel that is so trifling and I remember when you did the same thing in 2003 why am I not allowed to say it? A closed mouth don't get fed, if something is on my mind you gonna hear it just like I expect to hear it from you.

2. I should not be so envious of or try to emulate her last relationship because obviously it did not work out. I guess part of it is she is so used to going out with these drug dealing nino brown shoot you in the face kind of dudes and she used to listen to everything they said. Now that she's with me I feel the need to make sure she doesn't think I'm soft and want to control her like they did. But in the end things with those guys never worked out and she is with me so that is what I should look at. If her relationship with those guys were so great she wouldn't be here with me.

3. Girls just wanna have fun.

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun

Finally I realized that you have to trust your partner. A good woman is a good woman no matter where she is and a cheater is gonna be a cheater no matter how you treat her. I took a big step as a man today, I can't do this as a little boy. I am all in, I have closed my eyes, crossed my arms, fallen back and trusts she will catch me. Everything in life must grow, even grass. I am a human being and I make mistakes and I am a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.

We can go bowling, this ain't like before
can't you see that I'm growing ? I was so immature
Jay - Z


The other major argument we had was kind of a hypothetical one. MALE FRIENDS. Somehow we started talking about her having male friends and I told her I wasn't with that. When I met her she had a boyfriend and I didn't give a damn I still hollered all the time. She pointed out that no matter how much I hollered we didn't do anything until waaaaaayyy after they had broken up. I told her I didn't care I dont like the thought of some dude waiting in the wings for me to fuck up to get his chance like I did. She asked me what about if he never expressed any interest in her ? I told her just because Usher never told Beyonce he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't jack off to her posters in his bathroom. She said so what if he does as long as he doesn't say anything to her? I told her it was the principle, there were principalities at hand. She said men are always gonna find her attractive but as long as she doesnt do anything with them and they respect our relationship I shouldn't feel threatened. I said its not about feeling threatened it's about me embracing the situation. If I see that someone is creeping around my bushes looking for a way to break in my house even if I know for a FACT they can't get in I'm still gonna be pissed.

I'm a man and I know how men think. Like Chris Rock said , men don't have any female friends ,just women they haven't fucked yet. A man does not have friendship on his mind with a beautiful woman,no matter what he says. We are always thinking with our dicks. point.blank.period. I had a young lady I was best friends with and I screwed her, not because I was particularly attracted to her, just becuase.I sent a mass text to all my friends in relationships and they all gave the same response: my girl has guy friends and I hate them. She can talk to them but she can't go out with them.

I WAS SHOCKED!! your woman is allowed to have male friends???????? I thought it was my right as a man to come home and tell her what she can and cant do? So I'm the only asshole who comes back to the cave and points at his woman with his club and screams MINE MINE MINE??!?!?!?! I gave my girl 2 apologies today. So how does this thing work? She can only talk to them and can't go out with them? I need some input from everyone. Even if you only lurk on my blog and never commented before please let me know what the deal is. I'm not making friends with the dude, I'll tell you that, if I ever meet one of her male friends all he gets is from me is a headnod and a lack of eye contact.Fuck that shit. I can do it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. What a day I had. All the little insecurities and hangups I had have to go out the window if I want to have a mature loving relationship, ain't that a bitch?

SUCH A NICE BOY

What up what up WHAAAZZUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Because so many big corporations have been scrutinized for blowing the bailout money on lavish getaways and banquets my company has canceled christmas parties this year. My new department I work in has decided we can throw one ourselves if everyone chips in $60.




For $60 me and my lil mama can go out to Denny's, a movie and still have enough money to buy her a little outfit to wear for me. Ima tell my job like I told the IRS in 2005, "you ain't gettin no money out of me". I kid.I would go but me and my lil mama have plans all that weekend anyway.

There is this one dude at my job I cant STAND.UGHHHH!!! Just everything about him irks me. We had to take this 10 minute online sexual harassment thing the other day. Tell me why this fool prints out the little certificate thing you get for completing it and hangs it above his desk like its a degree from Harvard. Gets on my GOTDANG nerves. On top of that he harasses this girl we work with daily. She said she would turn him in to HR but she knows he has a family and doesn't want them to suffer cause daddy is a jerk.

I finally got out of default for one of my student loans!!!!!





I was sooo happy. I can barely contain myself knowing one day soon I will apply for a credit card and NOT get turned down. Of course you know there was a little rain in the cloud. I called up my new company I will be making my payments to and of course someone in India picked up.

Indian Lady: Hello this is vishna, how can I help you today?

Me: what's crackin wid it? this is n0days0ff and I'm calling to set up a payment plan with you.

Vishna: mr days0ff you are 4 days overdue

me: huh? how can I be late when I haven't set up the payment yet?

v: the collection agency you just got out of default with set up the payment.

me: (after 20 min of arguing) whatever man, now that i'm set up, who notifies the credit people I am in good standing with my loan?

v: ummm....they should notice you have been making monthly payments , so you are fine.

me: (looking at phone) maam....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!! When I don't pay a loan you guys send out a notice to all the credit people that I suck. Now that I'm good who sends out the notice that I rock?

v: ummmm..... the collection agency will do that

me: they told me you do that, now you are saying that I hang up and call them back just so they can say you again? Maam I have nothing against you but you don't know what you are talking about. You are guessing and saying anything to get me off your phone. I want to speak to a manager.

That's how you gotta do it sometimes. That's how I roll.Thanks for all your advice on the previous post. I think it all comes down to me still thinking of my fiancee and her kids as separate from me. What I'm trying to say is when we get married and live together I can't just put food for me in the fridge and tell them to fend for themselves. We will be ONE and right now I think of them as separate. If I take the rent money and give it to my aunts medical bill would I do it if it was my rent too? It all comes down to If I wanna take responsibility or keep thinking of them as not my problem...yet. I guess everyone is looking to me because they think I am ballin with no kids or bills. Should I tell them I am supporting my lil mama and her kids and have everyone think of me as a damn fool and hate my girl or do I not mention that and have everyone think I'm cheap? sighhh...why must there always be drama in the LBC?

What else? I went to see my auntie in the hospital the other day and it wasn't good. The good news is she is out of her coma. The bad news is she doesn't have the will to live anymore. She said she is tired of passing out and getting rushed to the emergency room every other month. She is tired of laying in hospital beds all drugged up. She also hates the fact she will never be totally independent like she used to be again. She tried to give us her last goodbyes but my cousin wouldn't let her. I was kinda upset about that because my aunt doesn't seem long for this world and everytime she tried to give one of us her blessing and say goodbye, here comes my cousin telling her to stop talking like that. I understand that even though I love my aunt and am sad to see her go it does not compare to what my cousin is going through seeing her mother like that. Was I wrong to be a little upset? I guess men are a little more...I don't wanna say coldhearted but I'll say realistic. She looks bad and hopefully by the grace of God she will be fine but it would be a shame if something happens to her and there remained so many things unsaid cause my cousin kept butting in.I asked her if anyone told her we had a black president and she broke out in the biggest grin the tubes in her mouth would allow and said "He is such a nice boy."

As usual your feedback is very much appreciated. Should my cousin let her mama say her goodbyes or am I being a jerk? Ilove my auntie soooo much and I have so much to thsnk her for while she can still hear it but that is my cousins mama and it is a more difficult thing for her to accept.

They say if you love somebody you should tell them
people never get the flowers while they can still smell them - Kanye

NOTHING GOING ON BUT THE RENT

LIL MAMA FOUND A JOB!!!!!!




I promise you I did the same dance when she told me. This past 3 months has seen the some of the most trying times I could imagine.Not only financially but emotionally as well. She was so defensive cause she knows she has so much baggage to begin with and now being jobless was making things that much harder. Any time I tried to make a suggestion or ask how the job search was going she would feel I was looking down on her (even though I wasn't)and she would lash out about how I acted like she wasn't trying. Then I would be mad cause she was taking her frustration out on me when all I was trying to do is make OUR situation better.It's crazy how money problems can make things so tense. But all in all I really dont think we did that bad. My sister and her common law husband used to fight and scratch everyday over money and they used to go days without speaking,sleep in separate beds etc.. So I think we did pretty good.

It's crazy how many aspects of our life this effected. I told a couple of my closer friends when she stopped working and after a while of her not working they started pointing out how I was totally taking care of another dudes kids, I was working massive amounts of overtime but stayed extra broke, I was wasting my golden years being bogged down by someone elses responsibilities instead of taking advantage of life etc...I started dreading their questions and eventually told them I'd rather not talk about her right now cause we are going through a lot of things. I wasn't ashamed but I felt like everyone thought I was a sucker











I feel like in a way this has made our relationship a little stronger. We been through the fire and didn't kill each other.I really gained a new level of respect for her as a woman and mother because she ain't no ordinary chick shes a brick house



At any time she could have went to the club and found a baller and ended her misery but she stuck through and tightened the budget and squeezed a dollar out of fifteen cents cause she knows having a stable home and family for her kids is worth more than silver and gold.I really have no trepidation now about marrying this woman. I know a real woman when I see her.

At first I used to always feel a little insecure because she's used to dating dudes from the street who could leave home and come back that night thousands of dollars richer and I punch a clock for a living. She never really mentioned that but it was in the back of my mind. I guess in a way it made me feel a little more... manly (for lack of a better word) in her eyes cause she wasnt working for so long but still had a man who could keep the kids fed and the lights on. These are just my thoughts people,however that last part sounded to you, I just give you the world as I see it.

I know I womped y'all a little bit this time but I had to share a little bit of what I been going through this year. thanks for everyone who leaves comments , I promise I'll try to hit your blogs back when I have a spare moment but as y'all see being superman isnt easy. As usual any advice or input you leave is always appreciated

So...have you ever been in a relationship where lack of money came into play?

Ghostdad

ain't nobody tell us it was fair
no love for my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
he passed away and i didn't cry cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
you say im wrong and i'm heartless but all along
when i was looking for a father he was gone

Tupac -Dear mama

I have never met my father. I don't even know what he looks like, fish eyed fool. About 2 years ago I told my mom I wanted to meet him and within a week she gave me his phone number. WHAT THE HELL???? you mean all this time all she had to do was make a couple calls and I could have had a dad? I was a little upset but that's my mama for you. Ok I'm going all over the place so let me backtrack.

2 years ago a friend of mine asked me to say some MC rhymes....

2 years ago promises was all I heard,wait a minute let me finishhhhhhhhhhhh


Ok I'm really starting this time. 2 years ago I got my fathers phone number and I was so nervous to talk to him. What would I say? Would I cuss his ass out? Would I act like everything was cool? I had so many questions. We spoke and it was cool. He didn't cry no tears of joy or nothing but he didn't call me an illegitimate bastard either. One thing I didn't like was the way he acted like his family was a secret club and I had to earn my way in. He said things would be between me and him at first and I shouldn't try to contact my brother or sister or it would be over for us. FUCK YOU!!!! In his defense he did tell me beforehand that he has a very blunt way of speaking so I shouldn't take what he says to heart.

Me and him speak on the phone a few times and it's not too bad actually. He is like a radiologist or something like that. The only thing I don't like is how he pumps me for information and knew where I lived down to my neighborhood but he wouldn't give me any info on him.After a couple weeks we make plans to meet face to face.... he never showed up. No call,no excuse no nothing. I was pretty bummed but my pride wouldn't let me call him and find out what happened. I am not about to kiss this guy's ass to get in his family.Shouldn't it be the other way around? He chickened out,obviously he didn't want to meet me and I'd be damned if I went to him groveling to be recognized. Something else that comes from these conversations is an alternate story to how him and my mom broke up


His version: When he met my mom she knew he was a pimp and she was cool with it (how you just gonna tell me my mama's a hoe? smh). She knew he had another woman but she kept getting feelings for him. She became pregnant and one day she went over his house and his other lady was there and wearing a chain my mom had given him. That was the last straw . My mom chunked the deuces and had her baby by herself and wouldn't let him see me. After a while he said fuck it and him and the lady got married and had some kids and are still married.

Her version: She never knew there was another woman. My dad played her (you see ? pimpings just in my blood.I cant help this mackadociousness thats all up in me.Im a pimp by blood not re-la-tion.I'm a victim of genetics.can you dig it?)She loved my father with all her heart and worked hard and bought him this beautiful gold chain. One day when she was pregnant she went to his house and found a woman there. To add insult to injury she was wearing the chain she had bought for my father. My mom still tried to let my dad be part of my life but he got married to that lady and started having his own kids and forgot all about little old me.



No that's not me but you get the picture. Anyway, she was so upset that she ripped up all her pictures of him and that's why I don't even know what my dad looks like.


I don't know which version is true and honestly I don't really give a fuck. I could see my mom doing that cause she is very stubborn and probably told him he couldn't see me and she could raise me all by herself without him and "that bitch". Fast forward to last Labor Day. My mom puts me in touch with my godfather because we were going to the same event. I haven't seen him since I was young but he was real cool and seemed to generally have affection for me. We kicked it all day, He says he knows my dad and sees him all the time



He said that if I wanted he could take me to his job,point him out then walk away cause he doesn't wanna be in the middle of it. So this is where you came in at. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go over there and kick his ass on the job and get him fired for fighting. We'd see how him and his perfect little family fared after that. The other part of me isn't really that angry. Yeah having two parents would have made life a little better. I would have had nicer clothes in school, probably learned to fight earlier and been more confident. Maybe had more guidance and would be rich now cause I'd finished school earlier.

At the same time I couldn't really imagine a better life than what I have. I have a great career, My little mama is easily one of the top 5 baddest chicks in the game. I ain't never been in jail or joined no gang or sucked dick for crack (2 out of 3 anyway......thats a joke). What the fuck do I really have to be mad about anyway? What he did in his life is something he will have to answer to god about. I turned out fine without him so I don't really need anything from him. The only thing that nags at me is not knowing what he looks like. I've heard I look like him. I'd like to see what I will look like in 20-30 years



Nappy chest hairs and all. What should I do y'all? I don't want to fight him, I just want to talk but he doesn't want nothing to do with me. If I dont go I'll never know but he is so secretive if I just pop up on him like a stalker I'll really drive him away and never get to meet my brother and sister. What do I do? Why must there always be drama in the LBC?