Ladies leave your man at home
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
And all you fellas leave your girl with her friends
Cause it's eleven thirty and the club is jumpin', jumpin'
Last weekend you stayed at home alone and lonely
Couldn't find your man, he was chillin' with his homies
This weekend you're going out
If he try to to stop you, you're goin' off
You got your hair done and your nails done too
A new outfit and your Fendi shoes
And when you're through parlayin' at the hottest spot
Tonight you're gonna find the fellas
Rollin' in the Lexus, drops and Hummers
It seems like it's getting longer and longer in between posts from me. Anyway me and my lil mama had our lovers weekend and everything was great, we went to the movies, ate out, did some shopping,laughed and argued. It was great to live a normal life like everyone else without all the long distance strain. Let me tell you about the arguing cause I'm sure that's what you want to hear anyway.
We had a humongous blowout because she wants to go out of town with her friends and I told her I wasn't cool with that. Honestly I don't know why I don't like it but I don't. I've known my lil mama for years before we got together and she would have never told her old boyfriend that she was gonna go out of town with her girls to party and shop. She never really could go past her mailbox without his permission and she seemed fine with that. I guess I grew accustomed to her being like that too. I don't say it to make myself look any better but my girl is fine. Not sorta cute .She is Beyonce Lisaraye Vanessa Williams I'd drink her bathwater and slap my mama kind of fine. Whenever she goes to even the supermarket there's always some dude pulling up in a benz or lambo promising her the glamorous life and unseen riches.
***break*** in the middle of writing this post I was able to put into words the feeling I had. My biggest fear in a relationship is not that I would get cheated on, its that I would get cheated on and not know about it. If I found out, I could say screw her and move on but I would hate for her to have a lover and still be coming home and washing her car and cutting the grass while she gave some guy the ass.
Now that I've had that little epiphany I can write clearer. I felt like her going out of town and clubbing with her girls and staying in some hotel without her kids anywhere in sight was like a free pass to cut loose and do things she normally wouldn't do. She could spend the whole night fucking some dude and going to dinners and riding around in some dope boys lexus for days at a time and I would not know anything about it. At least at home she has the kids and work and her mama etc to cock block her activities.
I know I know what you are thinking (raider wifee and sexxy luv) SHE CAN DO ALL THAT AT HOME REGARDLESS. Sigh...I know. After arguing for hours I came to that realization too. If a woman is gonna cheat on you she is gonna do it no matter what. Even if you keep her in the house 24/7 and only let her out once a year to get a physical by the doctor , if she wants she can screw that doctors brains out while you read readers digest in the waiting room. It is so hard for me to give somebody that kind of trust. I've had moments where I realized I could cheat on her and she'd NEVER find out but I didn't take it and I guess I realized she could also cheat on me and I would never even realize it and it scared me a little, ok a lot. I did a lot of growing in that argument and learned a lot of things.
1. She hates when I bring up what she told me as friends about her previous relationships. I was upset about that because I feel if you've known someone for 9 years why do I have to pretend I've only known you for 2 years? She hates being proven wrong and the fact that I can bring up a time when she did the exact opposite of what she is saying really makes her mad. that's a situation where we are both right and we are both wrong (it happens sometimes). I don't like feeling I can't say whats on my mind because it will make you mad. Deal with it. If you say your girlfriend crashed her mans car and lied about it and you feel that is so trifling and I remember when you did the same thing in 2003 why am I not allowed to say it? A closed mouth don't get fed, if something is on my mind you gonna hear it just like I expect to hear it from you.
2. I should not be so envious of or try to emulate her last relationship because obviously it did not work out. I guess part of it is she is so used to going out with these drug dealing nino brown shoot you in the face kind of dudes and she used to listen to everything they said. Now that she's with me I feel the need to make sure she doesn't think I'm soft and want to control her like they did. But in the end things with those guys never worked out and she is with me so that is what I should look at. If her relationship with those guys were so great she wouldn't be here with me.
3. Girls just wanna have fun.
Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun
Finally I realized that you have to trust your partner. A good woman is a good woman no matter where she is and a cheater is gonna be a cheater no matter how you treat her. I took a big step as a man today, I can't do this as a little boy. I am all in, I have closed my eyes, crossed my arms, fallen back and trusts she will catch me. Everything in life must grow, even grass. I am a human being and I make mistakes and I am a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.
We can go bowling, this ain't like before
can't you see that I'm growing ? I was so immature
Jay - Z
The other major argument we had was kind of a hypothetical one. MALE FRIENDS. Somehow we started talking about her having male friends and I told her I wasn't with that. When I met her she had a boyfriend and I didn't give a damn I still hollered all the time. She pointed out that no matter how much I hollered we didn't do anything until waaaaaayyy after they had broken up. I told her I didn't care I dont like the thought of some dude waiting in the wings for me to fuck up to get his chance like I did. She asked me what about if he never expressed any interest in her ? I told her just because Usher never told Beyonce he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't jack off to her posters in his bathroom. She said so what if he does as long as he doesn't say anything to her? I told her it was the principle, there were principalities at hand. She said men are always gonna find her attractive but as long as she doesnt do anything with them and they respect our relationship I shouldn't feel threatened. I said its not about feeling threatened it's about me embracing the situation. If I see that someone is creeping around my bushes looking for a way to break in my house even if I know for a FACT they can't get in I'm still gonna be pissed.
I'm a man and I know how men think. Like Chris Rock said , men don't have any female friends ,just women they haven't fucked yet. A man does not have friendship on his mind with a beautiful woman,no matter what he says. We are always thinking with our dicks. point.blank.period. I had a young lady I was best friends with and I screwed her, not because I was particularly attracted to her, just becuase.I sent a mass text to all my friends in relationships and they all gave the same response: my girl has guy friends and I hate them. She can talk to them but she can't go out with them.
I WAS SHOCKED!! your woman is allowed to have male friends???????? I thought it was my right as a man to come home and tell her what she can and cant do? So I'm the only asshole who comes back to the cave and points at his woman with his club and screams MINE MINE MINE??!?!?!?! I gave my girl 2 apologies today. So how does this thing work? She can only talk to them and can't go out with them? I need some input from everyone. Even if you only lurk on my blog and never commented before please let me know what the deal is. I'm not making friends with the dude, I'll tell you that, if I ever meet one of her male friends all he gets is from me is a headnod and a lack of eye contact.Fuck that shit. I can do it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. What a day I had. All the little insecurities and hangups I had have to go out the window if I want to have a mature loving relationship, ain't that a bitch?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
EVEN GRASS GROWS
Posted by
n0days0ff
at
8:33 PM
Labels: Drama in the LBC
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14 comments:
HEY! You say that you're most afraid of basically being played like a fool. But as contrite as this may sound: What is done in the dark will come to the light. (it goes something like that).
So even if she does mess w/ some dude with a nicer car more money than you, eventually you'll find out about it.
And this is prolly shitty advice but if I were you I'd tell her I'm not watching all the kids and I'd go on and have myself a relaxing mini-vacay to myself (or maybe you can go party with the super).
Again. Selfish advice I'm sure...
I agree with you. You should be able to speak your mind. If she mad, cool, she'll be mad for a minute but she will be okay.
I do not see anyting wrong with going on a vacay with the girls. You are with her so you should trust her. Whether she is with you or not, like you said you can cheat any time and no matter what you look like.
I do not have any male friends and my husband do not have any female friends which makes life pretty easy. I think your absolutely right, she may not be doing anythiing with any of her friends, but why give them opportunities. Things happen sometimes and being around the other sex gives more opportunities.
How come you have to compromise all the time? There should be some give and take on both sides.
Hey man, those trust issues and insecurities hit all of us so don't beat yourself up over it however much respect for growing. But do keep in mind how silly that dude looks that keeps his chick on a chain...you may not wanna be that homie.
when I use to travel I had a buddy who only flew home on weekends to be with his wife. When I asked how the fuck that works he said "if we were together all the time we would not remain married". That is an extreme case but my point is we all need to get away sometimes. Soon enough you will want to hit an event with the homies and im sure you dont wanna hear lip from her.
not trying to sound preachy since i still have stripes to earn in the trust department...
Oh about pchats, i got an invite to post from one of the authors on twitter...bout it
Dallas Black
http://www.thirtyhood.com
i don't want to scare you or anything, but your description of "fucking some dude and going to dinners and riding around in some dope boys lexus for days at a time and I would not know anything about it" is somewhat close to a trip i took to las vegas at the beginning of the year, minus the fucking part. i went with a group of girlfriends, which is why my boyfriend let me go in the first place, but i didn't know they had planned to meet some of our guy friends there. needless to say, i had way too much fun for someone in a serious relationship. even though i didn't cheat on him, the suspicion is still there because i was in a tempting situation. no matter how much trust is there or how much love is around, temptation is a bitch and it's hard to keep your composure when you're in party mode with the girls (especially single girls) and there's a dude wining and dining you, even in the name of friendship.
so i don't know...in my situation i made the right choices and i didn't screw things up...it's just that i could've easily messed up and ruined my relationship. so if you trust your girl enough to know she'll do the right thing, then let her go. but think about the friends she's going with and how they act when you're around...now imagine how they act during girls night out or when they've had a few shots.
ps: having guy friends around is a very bad idea. trust me on this one.
I don't know what to tell you.
Loving someone shouldn't be this hard.
Why do you assume she wants to cheat on you. If she does, then that's one problem, if she does not, then where does it matter where she goes or who she is friends with (she loves you, right?)?
n0,
I'm glad you were able to take a step back and look at what you were saying and re-evaluate. I mean even if it is begrudgingly (so I can't spell) you did it. And that takes a lot courage and humility.
And the whole caveman thing. Not good. If you let it take hold of you now, when your married it will REALLY come out. I told you about my husband and how he lost his mind on the way out of the church.
Just because she allowed it before and didn't seem bothered by it, doesn't make it ok. You seem to be like her superhero. Why would you want to do what the villians did? And I know you're better than to take advantage of the situation. She needs to have girl time and fun and relaxation as a girl sometimes. Not as a Mother, or a fiance... But as a woman with her friends. She's not a pet or an object. She's a woman. But I'm sure you will treat her as such! i'm glad you'd taken this leap of faith. rom what I know from reading about your relationship, she'll catch you.
this must be serious. nO i would love to give u some great advice but i cant even think straight. this is the 1st time i ever seen u write a post w/o the funny ass pics to go along wit it. its just not right...give me a min to digest this and ill come back wit some sound advice
this post is so real!
i've had the eaxct same argument with my husband about the male friends. the more he said no he didnt want me to have male friends, the more i said FUK that i'm grown.
at the end of the day it's all about compromise.
i gave up some friendships that made his insecuirty meter go off the chart, but i still keep in touch with guys from highschool via myspace and the occasional phone call.
males i've "met" through blogging. have to stay online. no exchanging phone numbers.
males @ work no solo lunches.
this is just my situation.. i still have my friends who happen to be males but the boundaries are clearly established. and the same goes for him.
jaded- thanks for the advice. i dont want to seem too spiteful as to go out just cause shes going out.i thought about that too but all thats gonna do is make things uncomfortable
urban-THATS RIGHT!!! when i get home im gonna beat her. lol. i dont know if that male friends argument is over yet
dallas- im not taking no advice from a pimp lol.you got more girls than katt williams got curls.
angelina- thanks to you im gonna go home and break up with her.because you was in vegas pop lock and dropping it on some dude(s). YALL AINT NO GOOD.
hustla- were all self conscious i'm just the first to admit it.lol she has not given me any reason to think that but you as a human being have natural suspicions, we all want to protect ourself in some way
diana- what the fuck does she need girl time for? she can have girl time with her daughters at church. sigh.i guess youre right, i dont like the idea of her running around cancun for a week with her girls but what are you gonna do?
cherish-lol i thought about me not putting no pics either but none came to mind and i wasnt in the mood to look
trice-thank you for your input. me and your husband are gonna block myspace from your home computer.you have too much other stuff to focus on to be looking at lil mont mont from 9th grades new pics of him and his boys
Damn..that was a long ass post
But I feel like you need to trust her if she wants to go out of town. I mean..it sounds like you already recognize that any woman (or man) is going to do what they wanna do. If you trust her...trust her. Arguing solves nothing. And even tho it's hard you gotta let go of the past and stop holding it over her head.
As far as male friends go..Ok, I have a male friend and we've never kissed/fucked..he's never ever stroked a tittay..Nothing! Now, for me to say he's not attracted to me would be a lie-most men are. But I don't see HIM in that way; he's like my brother. So I do believe male/female friendships can remain platonic but theres a thin line.
u sound like a guy i work with, his woman told him she liked to have sex when it rains and he didnt want to cuz he kept thinkin about who it was that had done it before
please dont drive yourself crazy from insecurity, you cant control anyone's actions but your own, you know what you two have, dont mess it up, either u trust her or you dont
Stop being insecure...
...women can still have male friends and be in relationships. I never cared when my boyfriend had female friends, as a matter of fact, I was cool with all of them (one could cook so I was always at her house...damn, I miss those fried seafood dinners). That's how you do it; meet her male friends, get to know them, and keep them close.
"keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
its difficult to not let your past dictate your future... but you have a good thing... Your little mama sounds stunning but she has you love.. and with love comes trust.. you were her friend for years... you know her inside and out don't let jealousy wreck things....
I told her just because Usher never told Beyonce he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't jack off to her posters in his bathroom-- your a fool for that one lol....
you need to write a blog about how you meet lil mama and got outta the friend zone sounds like an interesting blog
lmao! i'm glad you came to some type of realization with the 1st situation.
the 2nd i'll say this, i feel like if you didn't have that friend of the opposite sex before our relationship then you're not having that person of the opposite sex as a friend. (period)
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