ONE EYED YOGURT SLINGER

I was eating some yogurt the other day and dropped a glob on my sweater vest. It is black. I took it to the drycleaners. She normally takes my clothes and looks at them and drops them in the appropriate bin. I dropped the sweater with the glob on her desk and she just looked at it. I was waiting for her to pick it up and examine it but she just took my money and said bye. I told her it was yogurt and she just smiled politely. Da fuck??? the hell she thought it was a big ass nut someone bust on my chest??? I aint so much offended cause she thought I got a nut bust on my chest, I'm offended cause she thought I got a nut stain THAT BIG on me. That would have to be more than one nut,that would be the aftermath of a train. What kind of boy does she think I am?

I witnessed an accident on the way home.I started to stay and give my account of what happened but I said fuck it and left.Ill just let them figure it out.someones insurance is going up every month and it won't be because of me.

I got my W2 today. I'm not excited because I usually end up paying. Just one of te disadvantages of wporking all the time. What you gonna do with yours?

I need some more readers. Tell anyone who you think is interested to email me dramalbcblog@gmail.com

MY SIXPACK SITUATION

You ever get mistaken for someone and are offended by it? Theres this new guy at work (2 months) and not a day goes by where they dont confuse me and him.The problem is he's kinda goofy, has a bit of a pudgy belly and dont really got no swag. .naaaaah thats nothing like me.Why can't nobody mistake me for Will Smith or Morris Chestnut instead?

Now that I am single I got all these plans to be a certified LADYKILLER this summer. I get dressed and walk over to my boxing gym to get my sixpack situation together and tell me why I aint find nothing but ashes,soot and debris and shattered dreams? Thats how you know you are out of shape, when your damn gym done burnt to the ground and you dont even know about it. I think they burned it down for insurance because what the hell is there to keep a fire burning? Well I guess no six pack for me

This guy at my security job showed me some calisthenics I can do while im not checking for bombs. Jumping jacks,squats ,what have
you....now I cant walk. I mean it, if I saw a $50 bill on the floor I might have to pass that up.THATS MY WORD ima get in shape this time.I really mean it this time. Since I been working more Ive been eating more and I dont wanna get out of hand. If I ever do find a bomb under a truck I wanna make sure im at least 3 blocks away before they notice I left.

I swear everybodys been trying to brainwash me lately, first lil mama and now the calisthenics guy at work. They been saying how the bible has lies and Jesus was born in africa in september, There was no Adam and Eve etc. If yall see me on the corner in a robe selling incense with half a fro and half braids then you know they got to me

YOU GOT THE BOMB

I have a part time job as a security guard. I took it so I could pay for the wedding without going into debt. This place is so funny. Sometimes they have me working the loading dock. Part of my duties there is to take a mirror thing and look under the trucks coming in to see if they have some sort of bomb underneath. DA FUCK???! If I did see one what the hell they think ima do, defuse it? Some shit just don't make no sense.

COAST TO COAST LA TO CHICAGO

You know how when you are off the market there are people that would GET IT if you were free but youre not? Well I had somebody from the blogworld on my list. I been emailing her,visiting her site,what have you for like a year and a half now. She always got something slick to say with her mouth, and she tells the funniest stories plus when she talks about sex it sounds like she so good and freaky at it that i HAD to get at her soon as i was able to.

Like i said me and her been talking for a min so I knew she was tired of the guys she was fucking with as well, plus it seemed she was feeling me a little too so i thought it would be a sure thing. Me and her both liked messing with each other, we both liked to fuck and wanted some no strings attached loving, she was broke and I was horny, sounds like a guarantee right? NO!!!!!

I hollered at her and the convo went kinda like this

me: hey whats up,you know im single now and i been wanting to do things to you for the LONGEST, so whats up?

her: huh, me?

me: yeah, i been feeling you but i couldnt do anything cause i had a girl so whats up?

her : you like me? like me like me? wow

me: uhhh...... yeah i like you. I think you are so funny blah blah blah and would love to come take you out on a date and do some nasty things to you

her: Lol oh wow this is coming outta nowhere,I didnt know you liked me.im blown away

me:sigh ok but whats your answer, yes, no, get lost?

her: Lol i just didnt see this coming. how we gonna fuck if we live in 2 different states?

me:ima either come to you or you come here

her:you wanna fly me where you are???? just for sex?? Lol wow

me:yeah.....i told you i been wanting you for a while so im willing to do that.aint you ever had a dude willing to do anything to get a piece of you?



This went on like this till i was so turned off i didnt even want to anymore. She was acting so brand new. If she said I was wack and didnt want me, I could have accepted that and moved on but she couldnt stop giggling long enough to give me real talk. I think the problem is her self esteem is too high right now. I'll get her when she realizes that im the best shes gonna get. I seen her picture and she had too much hope in her eyes,just kidding....kinda. Sighh thats how you know I been out the game for too long. Even getting a piece of ass is hard to do.

I GOTS MY FREEDOM PAPERS!!!

Its been a long time coming but the day is finally here: I am
single!!! HIP HOP HURRRAAYY HOOOOOOO HEEEEEEYYY HOOOOOOO!!!!!! I feel like somebody gettin outta jail after a bid.I'm not really sure what
the kids are up to these days,not sure how I should dress,but I'm
happy to be seen. There are so many possibilities now that I don't
know where to begin.I plan to open my myspace back up so whenever I travel or do something, my friends can see the pictures and know that I am better than them.

I will use this blog to document all the crazy things that come with
being back on the market after a long time off.I plan to do a lot of
dating, a lot of traveling and a WHOLE lot of fucking. It feels
sooooooo good to be back (eminem voice).

I plan on being single for a long time if not forever.sometimes you
have to experience something bad to know what you want in life.I don't wanna be so in love again that I let someone treat me bad because I'm scared to leave.I want to have options and not just 1 person I have to depend on. If I can't get 1 girl on the phone for some conversation
then I will call someone else.I'm not gonna sit around waiting for a
call for 3 days like I did with my lil mama. No sirree bob.I also
don't want someone so financially dependent on me that I have to
sacrifIce on my happiness. With my lil mama I had to work every single day just to keep our heads above water,I don't want nothing like that
again.

To all my daters out there, how do you date in the digital age? Do you
give someone you just met your twitter/myspace/facebook? If not what do you do when they ask? How do you date 3 or 4 people when they can be all in your business at any given time? I'm not planning on being a player but I don't want someone I used to talk to all on my myspace
looking at who's commenting me now.sighhhhh

First day back and I already had an encounter. Was walking down the
street and saw this girl with the CRAZIEST shape you can imagine.she
was with her 2 homegirls and normally I woulda been intimiated but I
said fuck it.I approached them,told the 2 hating bitches to step to
the side and pulled the one I liked over. We talked for a few,she's
from virginia and is in town for a last weekend with her girls before
she gets married next week....womp womp wooomp.its all good though,the point is even though I'm a little bit rusty,its only a matter of time before I have a whole STABLE of honeys. After all the city has 8
million stories.