ain't nobody tell us it was fair
no love for my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
he passed away and i didn't cry cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
you say im wrong and i'm heartless but all along
when i was looking for a father he was gone
Tupac -Dear mama
I have never met my father. I don't even know what he looks like, fish eyed fool. About 2 years ago I told my mom I wanted to meet him and within a week she gave me his phone number. WHAT THE HELL???? you mean all this time all she had to do was make a couple calls and I could have had a dad? I was a little upset but that's my mama for you. Ok I'm going all over the place so let me backtrack.
2 years ago a friend of mine asked me to say some MC rhymes....
2 years ago promises was all I heard,wait a minute let me finishhhhhhhhhhhh
Ok I'm really starting this time. 2 years ago I got my fathers phone number and I was so nervous to talk to him. What would I say? Would I cuss his ass out? Would I act like everything was cool? I had so many questions. We spoke and it was cool. He didn't cry no tears of joy or nothing but he didn't call me an illegitimate bastard either. One thing I didn't like was the way he acted like his family was a secret club and I had to earn my way in. He said things would be between me and him at first and I shouldn't try to contact my brother or sister or it would be over for us. FUCK YOU!!!! In his defense he did tell me beforehand that he has a very blunt way of speaking so I shouldn't take what he says to heart.
Me and him speak on the phone a few times and it's not too bad actually. He is like a radiologist or something like that. The only thing I don't like is how he pumps me for information and knew where I lived down to my neighborhood but he wouldn't give me any info on him.After a couple weeks we make plans to meet face to face.... he never showed up. No call,no excuse no nothing. I was pretty bummed but my pride wouldn't let me call him and find out what happened. I am not about to kiss this guy's ass to get in his family.Shouldn't it be the other way around? He chickened out,obviously he didn't want to meet me and I'd be damned if I went to him groveling to be recognized. Something else that comes from these conversations is an alternate story to how him and my mom broke up
His version: When he met my mom she knew he was a pimp and she was cool with it (how you just gonna tell me my mama's a hoe? smh). She knew he had another woman but she kept getting feelings for him. She became pregnant and one day she went over his house and his other lady was there and wearing a chain my mom had given him. That was the last straw . My mom chunked the deuces and had her baby by herself and wouldn't let him see me. After a while he said fuck it and him and the lady got married and had some kids and are still married.
Her version: She never knew there was another woman. My dad played her (you see ? pimpings just in my blood.I cant help this mackadociousness thats all up in me.Im a pimp by blood not re-la-tion.I'm a victim of genetics.can you dig it?)She loved my father with all her heart and worked hard and bought him this beautiful gold chain. One day when she was pregnant she went to his house and found a woman there. To add insult to injury she was wearing the chain she had bought for my father. My mom still tried to let my dad be part of my life but he got married to that lady and started having his own kids and forgot all about little old me.
No that's not me but you get the picture. Anyway, she was so upset that she ripped up all her pictures of him and that's why I don't even know what my dad looks like.
I don't know which version is true and honestly I don't really give a fuck. I could see my mom doing that cause she is very stubborn and probably told him he couldn't see me and she could raise me all by herself without him and "that bitch". Fast forward to last Labor Day. My mom puts me in touch with my godfather because we were going to the same event. I haven't seen him since I was young but he was real cool and seemed to generally have affection for me. We kicked it all day, He says he knows my dad and sees him all the time
He said that if I wanted he could take me to his job,point him out then walk away cause he doesn't wanna be in the middle of it. So this is where you came in at. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go over there and kick his ass on the job and get him fired for fighting. We'd see how him and his perfect little family fared after that. The other part of me isn't really that angry. Yeah having two parents would have made life a little better. I would have had nicer clothes in school, probably learned to fight earlier and been more confident. Maybe had more guidance and would be rich now cause I'd finished school earlier.
At the same time I couldn't really imagine a better life than what I have. I have a great career, My little mama is easily one of the top 5 baddest chicks in the game. I ain't never been in jail or joined no gang or sucked dick for crack (2 out of 3 anyway......thats a joke). What the fuck do I really have to be mad about anyway? What he did in his life is something he will have to answer to god about. I turned out fine without him so I don't really need anything from him. The only thing that nags at me is not knowing what he looks like. I've heard I look like him. I'd like to see what I will look like in 20-30 years
Nappy chest hairs and all. What should I do y'all? I don't want to fight him, I just want to talk but he doesn't want nothing to do with me. If I dont go I'll never know but he is so secretive if I just pop up on him like a stalker I'll really drive him away and never get to meet my brother and sister. What do I do? Why must there always be drama in the LBC?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Ghostdad
Posted by
n0days0ff
at
8:50 PM
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19 comments:
I GOT IT!
lol. not really but maybe you can call him up and be like "yo,I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it last time...I chickened out" thereby making it seem like neither one of you showed up.
THEN
But see thats where my plan ends cause I don't know how you'll be able to see him without being a stalker.
Then again, there is always the truth:
you: Hey, can we meet because I've never seen you and I'm curious as to what you look like.
I mean it isn't unreasonable to want to see what your birth father looks like.
ps. did you try google images?
I say you should go and see him because this will begin closure for you. Whether or not, you should say something is totally up to you. If you do choose to say something, have some class...don't get down to his level and act ignorant towards the situation. We don't need to read how you went to jail for going postal on your daddy.
Hey dude, your post was really great even though it is a serious issue. I can't imagine him standing you up and I can understand you wanting to punch him in the throat.
I would say think about the emotions you will have if indeed you did see him from afar. Would you be really cool with it or head to the trunk for some heat? Depending on your answer that should be your decision.
Otherwise, you got yo lil mama so walk on..with yo head high.
Good luck homie (no homo).
Dallas Black
thirtyhood.blogspot.com
I would go to the job and just chill on a bench or somethin or maybe just walk by him and be like whats up dad, i musta missed u at_______(wherever yall decided to meet) stand there just long enuf for him to realize that i actually look like him and then just walk off and be like i'll see u around
Damn n0, i don't know if popping up at his job is a good idea...but maybe you can go without confronting him to see what he looks like and then take it from there...call him or something..But (and i hope you don't mind be saying) that's mean of him to hold meeting your siblings over your head like that..
This type of post is really why you’re my dude. Real talk here. So, I had a similar experience, as not to blog your comment section, I’ll just say that meeting my sibilings given to me by my father was more important to me than actually meeting my father. I found my two twin sisters, a few months ago, and I’m sad to say that it wasn’t really a good idea. They are 14 years old, fast as all hell, and living in the projects. My dad’s old snile ass lives up the street from them and NEVER sees them. They yearn for him, and try so hard to keep a relationship open with him
But he doesn’t give a fuck.
So anyways, after I tracked my sisters down (found their myspace accounts) them little muthafuckas gone give this nigga my number. He called me talking all kinds of womp womp womp, talking bout “I loved you and your momma took you all the way to Seattle.” Nigga, I was 11 when I left Memphis!!! His bitch ass wasn’t seeing me before then when him and his trifling ass mama didn’t live too far way. So I shot his ass the deuces on the phone, and told him to stop making false statements to me, cause a bitch is handling her shit. I told his dumb ass that he needs to be doing for my sisters cause I don’t need his ass.
Of course he made promises to do better by them, and hasn’t kept them. But, at least, at the age of 23, I got to see my fathers face for the first time (via picture, that is). So, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to go take a peek at his ass at work, but fuck giving that bastard the satisfaction of you wanting to be in his life. Maybe ask your Godfather if he could get you in touch with your siblings?
Be sure to flip his ass off for me before you leave though.
♥
What a hard one. My poppa was a rolling stone, but we were always close I was his oldest. He never even met my baby brother until he was like 5 ( I was 18 at the time) Yeah I get in the car with him thinking I was gonna get to drive the car ( I was learning how to master a stick shift) and my sister and some kid in the back. He’s all like who does he look like and I go YOU. Anyway, my little brother spoke at my dad’s funeral and while they hadn’t seen each other in years he knew who his dad was and what he looked like.
My cousin who hadn’t talked to his dad since my aunt moved them away from Cali hooked up with his dad after years of not wanting to. When my dad died I think it kind of hit home for him. Anyway turned out they were able to have a relationship and then his dad died.
My lil’ brother (my mother’s son) REFUSES to met his dad. Like you he wants to meet his siblings but really is not AT ALL INTERESTED in seeing his dad. He does at least know what he looks like. It was really crazy b/c my mom and his dad had started seeing each other for a while, so my brother would get ghost when his dad was on the way or not answer the house phone if his number came up on the caller id at my mom’s house. I think some of it also has to do with the fact my brother is gay too, as to why he really doesn’t want to deal with meeting his dad, I think gayness makes a reunion 10 times harder (well unless your dad came out of the closet or something)
Anyway I think you should try communicating one more time maybe with the help of your Godfather. Then if still no dice go up to the job and at least take one of those stalker peeps so you know for yourself what he looks like, then move from there. Sorry this was soooo long.
-OG
really don't have suggestion.
but my husband has never met his father. When he ask his mom who he is she gives the brush off. I think i'm more curious concerned than he is about knowing who he is.
Anyway looking forward to seeing how things play out.
I think it might be worth it to see what your Dad is about. I think I would go take a look first but not try to talk to him at that point. I cant help but think just SEEING him is gonna be emotional for you in one way or another. Maybe after that you can go back and actually engage him. Bottom line, it comes down to "what are you willing to live with?" Knowing or not knowing?
I think you have the right attitude about it. You really have nothing to be angry about. I mean you do, but why carry around anger that's not going to do you any good? Don't mess with your happiness by holding a grudge against this fool.
What kind of work does he do? Can you go into the lobby and claim you have a meeting with him? You don't have to say anything but, "I just wanted to know what you look like." Tell him you need to know so that your kids don't go around mating with their cousins or something.
Now, as for your mom's choice. Speaking from experience. It's so much easier to be a single mom when you don't have to deal with the sporadic behaviors of a dead beat dad too. He says he wants to see the kid, ya'll set a date, he doesn't show up, you have to explain to the baby what just happened. After a while a momma refuses to look at that little sad/mad face over and over again brought on by some trifflin' nigga who just wanted to see what you was gonna do anyway. Wanted to see if he could still get you to flex. Fuck him. Don't hold nothing against moms, please.
I think you deserve to know what your father looks like and to know your siblings. My husband is the product of an affair his father had. But when we went to his dad's funeral last week you couldn't tell that. His brothers and sisters treat him no different. He is 3 months younger than one of his brothers. His father wasn't really a part of his life but he doesn't hold any animosity. He took him fishing a couple of times. came to visit every once and a while. He said he didn't love him father in a father son type way but he loved him. I saw at the funeral he loved his father.
It would be wonderful if things could work that nicely for every such relationship but unfortunatly they can't. I have no advice because this is something I could never fully understand but I do wish you the best and hope that you find the advice you need.
Stuff like this is always difficult. My dad wasn't in my life, had no problems about his lack of involvement either. He'd come into town knowing where I live, wouldn't call and would leave without a word. I met him once in my life when I was ten. Then I get a call out of the blue saying he wants to come to my high school graduation. Really? How about no. I think he's through playing part time father, but no. He gets my number from my aunt and calls me my freshman year of college, then proceeds to berate me for not contacting him. You had my information all this time, and kept your's under lock like you were wanted by the mob. (Trust me I did my research) All it sounds like is womp, womp, womp. I guess were I'm going with this is I think it's a good idea to meet him just so there won't forever be a question mark where his image and memory is concerned. I have no plans to see my father ever again and told him so, but at least I know who he is and what he looks like. Reguardless of whether you meet him or not you still have your amazing bride-to-be, and are a greater man than him helping to raise children you did not biologically father.
I say go take your peak and be done with it. You have the right to at least "see" him.. but he dosen't have the right to get anymore conversation with you. Face it - he blew it and never even called to apologize. Karma is a bitch and he'll have his day in judgement.
I'm a daddy's girl for real - so I can't imagine a man being such a complete and utter asswipe...
Hey nodays... I think u need to confront your father... get it out all in the open...I dont know who my biological father is he knows about me but if I did confront him I would defiantly find out a few things...I heard my bio dad was an actual pimp and relatives told me you may not want to really meet him.. I think u should do whats in your heart and what feels right.. your starting a new chapter in your life might as well close or open some new ones...
What does your mom think about you meeting him??
What does fiancee think as well??
jaded- not a bad idea at all but if i called him and he never picked uphung up or never answered id be even more crushed.
bcu-y'all would love to read i kicked his ass,i know i would lol
dallas-im not a hundred percent sure i wouldnt unleash the dragon on his ass
chay- sigh...i dont think hed feel bad at all,just pissed i showed up
bammy-yeah hes a douche.i guess he doesnt want me ANYWHERE around him
GLO-your daddy is a jerk for doing tia and tamera like that.my dad tried to make it look like he was so innocent too.good idea on asking my godfather about my siblings
OG-youre free to post away whenever you feel like it.i might just go take one of those stalker peeps at him
paj-ill keep you posted
and1-i might go look at him but i dont know if ill just be able to walk away
realhustla-holding a grudge against my mom for that ? i dont know,i cant call it.i havent gotten around to thinking about it yet
mp-maybe but this last rejection might be the worst if it doesnt work out
diana-hey buddy.i dont know how this will turn out,i hope it works out too
miss p-DAMN you know my whole history lol!! your dad sounds like a douche for coming to town and not visiting.
wifee-just seeing him without speaking is sounding more and more like a good idea
B ara- pimping is in your blood too? lol we just cant help it.my girl likes it but my mom hates the idea of me and him getting close
I'm all late and stuff.. I'll say go check him at work...
This post is not even funny.. I mean i hear the two side bs from both of em... oh boy... small world...
I'm late too @ Koffee Dyme but Nodays, my heart goes out to you bruh.
If the Godfather knows him and sees him all the time, don't HE have some pictures of your dad? And to alleviate a brawl between you and the man on the job, why not ask the Godfather to go up there for you and take a picture - if it's just about you seeing what he looks like.
The man who fathered you doesn't really deserve to know you're longing for him, that does nothin' but make him continue to feel like a pimp which sucks. Has he been payin' child support to your mom? I think any man who knows he fathered a kid but has that type of attitude like it's the kid's fault things can't be cool, SUCKS!
I had a homegirl who was in your position and she tried to find her siblings on her own and did but they slammed the door in her face because to them - SHE'S the love child. Don't put yourself thru that. Live your life well, that's your best revenge.
If you came before your siblings did, then why the hell does you want you to stay a secret. He's smokin' dirt. You don't need a man like that in your life, bruh. That's real.
sane really is...lol
we said the same thing basically
Hey Sunshyne! lol!!!
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