NEVER SAY NEVER

Fuck all that, I'm saying never. I am never ever ever drinking again.The last few weekends I have been hanging out with my friends who live a few doors down from me. They drink and I do it too just because. Last night our super invited us to come and knock a few back with him. He has the vodka but needs the other fixings. I go to the store with one of the dudes and buy the fruit cocktail. For whatever reason he does not buy the Sprite and we walk back home across the street. After like 30 min of nothing happening I go over their spot and ask what's up and they say if I buy the soda they will pay me back. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT 30 MIN AGO??? Now I really need a drink cause my nerves are too bad.

Anyway, we get to our super's and he starts womp womp womping us to death

super: I got this new plan to take all these old records I got and put them on cd to make exercise music. You see all these fat ladies walking around here? If they had some motivational music they would wanna exercise more........




He had already been drinking before we got there so his old ass is almost bouncing off the walls. He even drops on the floor and starts doing some girl push ups to show us he still got it.Bless his heart, his old ass aint do one REAL push up.He was just flexing his shoulders if you ask me. Anyway he makes the first round of drinks and I leave this atmosphere and was somewhere on mars when he starts recording the intro to his exercise tape.....while he's drunk.

super: Hey now ladies, this is for all y'all who ain't seen your poom poom in 2 years cause your gut hanging all over it. You got to lift up that gut and show him what you got.....


I am laughing my ass off in the corner with my drink cause I know he ain't gonna sell one damn copy



I mean who wants to work out to the Delfonics? After another drink I am no longer on mars but somewhere in the future and he starts womp womp womping us again.

Super: I figure if I charge $5.00 each cd and get some of yall to sell em for me, we could sell 100 a day and make $500 everyday

my friend: times 7 days a week that would be three hundred and fifty dollars

my reaction to this:



O......K we won't be letting him handle the money. The music starts back up and we grooving to all kinds of James Brown and Gap Band type stuff. The vodka has wrecked our systems like a tsunami on a small indian village. At one point everyone starts egging me on and I start doing the only dance I know



I moonwalked in place for like 20 min nonstop. I WAS GONE ON THAT WATER WATER!! I even took a couple videos and sent them to my friends and my lil mama. At this point my super starts doing the girl push ups again. I try to show him how to do a man's push up but because of the vodka I misjudge the floor and basically dive face first into the carpet and bust my lip. I jump back up and start moonwalking again and keep referring to my super as "Tito". I know you are saying to yourself where are the women at? There were none. This was a full unbridled sausage fest to the tenth power




A bunch of dudes dancing,drinking and doing push ups. CORNBREAD,NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!! By now the booze is finished and we go back to my friends spot. We shoot the shit for a little bit and the real tall one says he wants the Sprite I bought. I tell him he can't have my cornbread cause I'm from New York City. We shoot the shit for a little while longer and they start passing out in their beds so I walk home.

I wake up 7 hours later and I have the ill hangover.I go in the bathroom and dry heave for like 10 min,after that I just heave up all the fruit cocktail from the previous night. I promise myself that the yt man's nectar will never touch my lips again and head back to bed. My mouth is sooooooo dry at this point and I almost walk across the street to the store when I remember I left the nearly full sprite at my friends house. I go in there and he tells me the big one woke up early and straight guzzled my soda and passed out again. I look at my phone and I have all kinds of text messages asking me why am I moonwalking in the video and why I keep yelling at "Tito" to hold the camera straight?

So.... that was my saturday night, what did you do?