ONE SWEET DAY

Last night I saw you in my dreams
now I can't wait to go to sleep

Kanye


The lady who makes the food is dead :(




My aunt passed away and even though I saw it coming I still can't believe it. I used to live with her as a teenager because my mom had a lot going on at the time. She would come home from work and go to her favorite place, the stove. I wonder how I stayed so skinny through high school cause I had a big meal every single day. Anyway my oldest sis got on everybodys nerves by constantly asking us how much we were putting for the funeral when we'd already told her we don't have anything. To understand our annoyance you have to know my oldest sis' boyfriend/common law husband takes care of all her bills. She could lay her chunky ass in bed all day everyday and there would still be food in the fridge. She has never faced the cold world alone like we have. She lived under our moms roof till her early twenties then moved in with her common law husband. Girlfriend has extra money put away and just can't understand why the rest of us don't. Her and our mom had a pretty nasty argument because she thinks mom is holding out instead of believing she's tapped out. She reminds me of when they asked John Mccain if we were in a recession and he said no cause he's so out of touch.

My oldest sis is flying in and wanted to stay with me, I told her no because

A: She is so judgemental.My place is just a little hole in the wall and I don't want her here judging me like she always does. They would never put this place on MTV cribs but I don't care,it's mine and I love it.

B. I live far away from where the events will be and I don't want to have to plan a whole weekends worth of activities for her. I just wanna show up, pay my respects, do a 10 minute solo of "Mary don't you weep/A closer walk with thee/ I miss my homies" and leave.

C. She will dig in my pockets deep. This girl has no sense of independence cause she's always been under somebody's wing. She will show up without a dime and want me to buy her everything from meals to an outfit for the funeral.

D. I love her to PIECES, lord knows I do but she can be so fucking irritating sometimes.

She asks to stay with me and I said no. That was last week , the other night I call her and ask her where she is staying and she says she doesn't know. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!! she is so frustrating!!! I gave her an extra week to find somewhere to stay and she didn't ask anyone (see reason D.)How the fuck do you fly somewhere without knowing where you will stay?

This is thursday night and she is coming friday. I tell her fine, she can stay with me.She also tells me she will be flying in around the time of the wake. I get pissed cause I will not be able to go to the wake cause the airport is an hour and a half away from the wake plus all the nonsense of the airport itself. She tells me to go and she will wait till its over. I spend friday cleaning up my place and doing laundry etc..I ask her to let me know when she boards the plane and she does. The airport is two and a half hours away from me so I leave the house around 6:30 to meet her 9:00 flight. I get there just to find out she had one of our cousins pick her up and I was INCREDIBLE HULK MAD!!!!!!! GOODNESS GRACIOUS I dont know if ive ever been so mad in all my life. She claims when she said I should go to the wake when she said she'd wait that meant she'd wait for someone else to pick her up so I wouldn't miss the wake. Once again look at reason D.

So I waste about 6 hours of my life for no reason at all friday night.

Saturday: Before I leave my house I check the bible to make sure it's not a sin to look too good because I was FLYYY-YYYYY-YYYYY. I looked so clean I almost broke my anonymous rule and posted the pic on here. I call my cousin and ask her to wait for me cause I will ride to the funeral with her because n0days0ff does not have a good sense of direction. I call her when I was 15 minutes away and ask her if I missed them and she said no but I need to hurry cause they'll be leaving shortly. I hightail it over there and am pissed off because NOONE over there is even dressed.

My cousin drops me to my uncle's because there are not enough people to fill the limo out so I ride to the funeral with him.I walk in the church and hear the doors open after me, I turn around and there is my mother. SHE MADE IT!!!!! Last time I saw her was like 8 months ago when we thought my aunt would not make it through the night. My sis calls me and asks me to go to the store and buy her a bottled water because thats the only thing she drinks (reason D.) As I go to leave they ask me to bring in the casket with my family and thats when I saw it: my beautiful aunt's body is in that casket and today we will bury her and never see her again. The lady who makes the food has died and nothing else seems to matter.

Everybody gathers around the casket and we carry it up the stairs into the church. We are so careful because she deserves all the peace in the world. We carry the casket as if she is alive and we dont want to disturb her rest. My sister comes in after this and asks me for her water, I tell her I had to bring the body in, she asks me why I didn't buy it after and I proceed to ignore her for the rest of the service.

It was a beautiful funeral, I've never seen people cry so hard but then again the world has never lost such a beautiful soul.My cousins daughter just stood there crying her little 8 year old eyes out and nothing we said could make her stop.My cousin broke down for her mom and it broke my heart. As I stood with my arm around my mother while she cried, I realized I'm not ready to lose her. Lord please don't ever take her from me.We threw our flowers in her grave and said our piece. I never want to see my mother cry like that again, I can't take it. We cried, sang, ate and laughed. It is a beautiful thing to gather with all your loved ones and put all your differences aside. My mother saw sisters she had not seen in years and me and my middle sister spoke for the first time in 4 years. The kids made posters with my aunts pictures and she watched over us as we ate at the reception. Yes I did take a plate home because you know how I roll. Deuces.

EVEN GRASS GROWS

Ladies leave your man at home
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
And all you fellas leave your girl with her friends
Cause it's eleven thirty and the club is jumpin', jumpin'

Last weekend you stayed at home alone and lonely
Couldn't find your man, he was chillin' with his homies
This weekend you're going out
If he try to to stop you, you're goin' off
You got your hair done and your nails done too
A new outfit and your Fendi shoes
And when you're through parlayin' at the hottest spot
Tonight you're gonna find the fellas
Rollin' in the Lexus, drops and Hummers

It seems like it's getting longer and longer in between posts from me. Anyway me and my lil mama had our lovers weekend and everything was great, we went to the movies, ate out, did some shopping,laughed and argued. It was great to live a normal life like everyone else without all the long distance strain. Let me tell you about the arguing cause I'm sure that's what you want to hear anyway.

We had a humongous blowout because she wants to go out of town with her friends and I told her I wasn't cool with that. Honestly I don't know why I don't like it but I don't. I've known my lil mama for years before we got together and she would have never told her old boyfriend that she was gonna go out of town with her girls to party and shop. She never really could go past her mailbox without his permission and she seemed fine with that. I guess I grew accustomed to her being like that too. I don't say it to make myself look any better but my girl is fine. Not sorta cute .She is Beyonce Lisaraye Vanessa Williams I'd drink her bathwater and slap my mama kind of fine. Whenever she goes to even the supermarket there's always some dude pulling up in a benz or lambo promising her the glamorous life and unseen riches.


***break*** in the middle of writing this post I was able to put into words the feeling I had. My biggest fear in a relationship is not that I would get cheated on, its that I would get cheated on and not know about it. If I found out, I could say screw her and move on but I would hate for her to have a lover and still be coming home and washing her car and cutting the grass while she gave some guy the ass.

Now that I've had that little epiphany I can write clearer. I felt like her going out of town and clubbing with her girls and staying in some hotel without her kids anywhere in sight was like a free pass to cut loose and do things she normally wouldn't do. She could spend the whole night fucking some dude and going to dinners and riding around in some dope boys lexus for days at a time and I would not know anything about it. At least at home she has the kids and work and her mama etc to cock block her activities.

I know I know what you are thinking (raider wifee and sexxy luv) SHE CAN DO ALL THAT AT HOME REGARDLESS. Sigh...I know. After arguing for hours I came to that realization too. If a woman is gonna cheat on you she is gonna do it no matter what. Even if you keep her in the house 24/7 and only let her out once a year to get a physical by the doctor , if she wants she can screw that doctors brains out while you read readers digest in the waiting room. It is so hard for me to give somebody that kind of trust. I've had moments where I realized I could cheat on her and she'd NEVER find out but I didn't take it and I guess I realized she could also cheat on me and I would never even realize it and it scared me a little, ok a lot. I did a lot of growing in that argument and learned a lot of things.

1. She hates when I bring up what she told me as friends about her previous relationships. I was upset about that because I feel if you've known someone for 9 years why do I have to pretend I've only known you for 2 years? She hates being proven wrong and the fact that I can bring up a time when she did the exact opposite of what she is saying really makes her mad. that's a situation where we are both right and we are both wrong (it happens sometimes). I don't like feeling I can't say whats on my mind because it will make you mad. Deal with it. If you say your girlfriend crashed her mans car and lied about it and you feel that is so trifling and I remember when you did the same thing in 2003 why am I not allowed to say it? A closed mouth don't get fed, if something is on my mind you gonna hear it just like I expect to hear it from you.

2. I should not be so envious of or try to emulate her last relationship because obviously it did not work out. I guess part of it is she is so used to going out with these drug dealing nino brown shoot you in the face kind of dudes and she used to listen to everything they said. Now that she's with me I feel the need to make sure she doesn't think I'm soft and want to control her like they did. But in the end things with those guys never worked out and she is with me so that is what I should look at. If her relationship with those guys were so great she wouldn't be here with me.

3. Girls just wanna have fun.

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun

Finally I realized that you have to trust your partner. A good woman is a good woman no matter where she is and a cheater is gonna be a cheater no matter how you treat her. I took a big step as a man today, I can't do this as a little boy. I am all in, I have closed my eyes, crossed my arms, fallen back and trusts she will catch me. Everything in life must grow, even grass. I am a human being and I make mistakes and I am a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.

We can go bowling, this ain't like before
can't you see that I'm growing ? I was so immature
Jay - Z


The other major argument we had was kind of a hypothetical one. MALE FRIENDS. Somehow we started talking about her having male friends and I told her I wasn't with that. When I met her she had a boyfriend and I didn't give a damn I still hollered all the time. She pointed out that no matter how much I hollered we didn't do anything until waaaaaayyy after they had broken up. I told her I didn't care I dont like the thought of some dude waiting in the wings for me to fuck up to get his chance like I did. She asked me what about if he never expressed any interest in her ? I told her just because Usher never told Beyonce he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't jack off to her posters in his bathroom. She said so what if he does as long as he doesn't say anything to her? I told her it was the principle, there were principalities at hand. She said men are always gonna find her attractive but as long as she doesnt do anything with them and they respect our relationship I shouldn't feel threatened. I said its not about feeling threatened it's about me embracing the situation. If I see that someone is creeping around my bushes looking for a way to break in my house even if I know for a FACT they can't get in I'm still gonna be pissed.

I'm a man and I know how men think. Like Chris Rock said , men don't have any female friends ,just women they haven't fucked yet. A man does not have friendship on his mind with a beautiful woman,no matter what he says. We are always thinking with our dicks. point.blank.period. I had a young lady I was best friends with and I screwed her, not because I was particularly attracted to her, just becuase.I sent a mass text to all my friends in relationships and they all gave the same response: my girl has guy friends and I hate them. She can talk to them but she can't go out with them.

I WAS SHOCKED!! your woman is allowed to have male friends???????? I thought it was my right as a man to come home and tell her what she can and cant do? So I'm the only asshole who comes back to the cave and points at his woman with his club and screams MINE MINE MINE??!?!?!?! I gave my girl 2 apologies today. So how does this thing work? She can only talk to them and can't go out with them? I need some input from everyone. Even if you only lurk on my blog and never commented before please let me know what the deal is. I'm not making friends with the dude, I'll tell you that, if I ever meet one of her male friends all he gets is from me is a headnod and a lack of eye contact.Fuck that shit. I can do it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. What a day I had. All the little insecurities and hangups I had have to go out the window if I want to have a mature loving relationship, ain't that a bitch?

WHAT I BEEN UP TO

Wasn't gonna post but since me and my lil mama gonna be hella busy this weekend I figured I need to post something before my blog gets shut down.

Thanksgiving was great, I ate soooooo much that night, went to sleep then woke up at 3 am and ate some more then rolled my ass into the bed still burping. Now that's living.

I keep feeling bad cause I can't really grant none of the little ones christmas wishes this year but then I remember that these days having something in their belly IS a christmas wish and I don't feel too bad. How are these holidays treating your pockets? This christmas has been straight disrespecting my pockets.

I am out of default on one of my loans and making payments on the other two. It feels so good not to have a bunch of unknown numbers on my phone harassing me for money. This must be what it feels like to be white.

I tried to call my cousin over the holiday and see if she was cooking but her house, cell and business phone were all cut off. Guess I won't be going there lol. Its crazy how the only way to reach her is email....oh shit her internet might be cut off too, oh well there's always smoke signals.

One of my cousins just got out of jail from doing 12 years and is staying with his little sister. You would think that after losing half your life to the system he would be more appreciative at a second chance but all this fool does is complain. When my cousin slides him a much needed $30 out of her purse he starts talking about the nights he used to make over $1000. She is better than me cause I would have put his ass out the house... AFTER getting my $30 back. Shit gas is back to $2, thats a tank and a half .

My lil mama told me whatever I was gonna spend on buying her a christmas present I should keep it and treat myself......YEAH RIGHT!!!!! She loves saying bullshit like that, this way she gets the credit for saying that plus she gets the actual present which she was expecting all along. What should I get her? I was thinking of an ipod player for her car so she can have all her music with her instead of changing cd's. Thats the kind of gifts I like to give, something you can actually use.



To make outside calls at our job you have to dial 9-1-bullshit ass number you wanna call. Me and the dude who sits next to me were discussing whether we would have to dial 9-1-1 or 9-1-9-1-1 in case the fired dude came back to kill us. Tell me why to prove his point this fool picks up the phone and accidentally called the motherfuckin police.



He gets scared and hangs up. Not 5 seconds later security calls and asks us if we are ok because the police were called from our desk. My friend says we're fine and thats it..no patrol, no swing by, nothing. What if dude had us in a corner fuckin our asses up? Boy I tell you.

You know you are broke when you start eyeing the charity toy box at work and start wondering if you could sneak that power ranger on the top out for your kids without getting caught.

So....what are you doing to get ready for the holidays?

SUCH A NICE BOY

What up what up WHAAAZZUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Because so many big corporations have been scrutinized for blowing the bailout money on lavish getaways and banquets my company has canceled christmas parties this year. My new department I work in has decided we can throw one ourselves if everyone chips in $60.




For $60 me and my lil mama can go out to Denny's, a movie and still have enough money to buy her a little outfit to wear for me. Ima tell my job like I told the IRS in 2005, "you ain't gettin no money out of me". I kid.I would go but me and my lil mama have plans all that weekend anyway.

There is this one dude at my job I cant STAND.UGHHHH!!! Just everything about him irks me. We had to take this 10 minute online sexual harassment thing the other day. Tell me why this fool prints out the little certificate thing you get for completing it and hangs it above his desk like its a degree from Harvard. Gets on my GOTDANG nerves. On top of that he harasses this girl we work with daily. She said she would turn him in to HR but she knows he has a family and doesn't want them to suffer cause daddy is a jerk.

I finally got out of default for one of my student loans!!!!!





I was sooo happy. I can barely contain myself knowing one day soon I will apply for a credit card and NOT get turned down. Of course you know there was a little rain in the cloud. I called up my new company I will be making my payments to and of course someone in India picked up.

Indian Lady: Hello this is vishna, how can I help you today?

Me: what's crackin wid it? this is n0days0ff and I'm calling to set up a payment plan with you.

Vishna: mr days0ff you are 4 days overdue

me: huh? how can I be late when I haven't set up the payment yet?

v: the collection agency you just got out of default with set up the payment.

me: (after 20 min of arguing) whatever man, now that i'm set up, who notifies the credit people I am in good standing with my loan?

v: ummm....they should notice you have been making monthly payments , so you are fine.

me: (looking at phone) maam....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!! When I don't pay a loan you guys send out a notice to all the credit people that I suck. Now that I'm good who sends out the notice that I rock?

v: ummmm..... the collection agency will do that

me: they told me you do that, now you are saying that I hang up and call them back just so they can say you again? Maam I have nothing against you but you don't know what you are talking about. You are guessing and saying anything to get me off your phone. I want to speak to a manager.

That's how you gotta do it sometimes. That's how I roll.Thanks for all your advice on the previous post. I think it all comes down to me still thinking of my fiancee and her kids as separate from me. What I'm trying to say is when we get married and live together I can't just put food for me in the fridge and tell them to fend for themselves. We will be ONE and right now I think of them as separate. If I take the rent money and give it to my aunts medical bill would I do it if it was my rent too? It all comes down to If I wanna take responsibility or keep thinking of them as not my problem...yet. I guess everyone is looking to me because they think I am ballin with no kids or bills. Should I tell them I am supporting my lil mama and her kids and have everyone think of me as a damn fool and hate my girl or do I not mention that and have everyone think I'm cheap? sighhh...why must there always be drama in the LBC?

What else? I went to see my auntie in the hospital the other day and it wasn't good. The good news is she is out of her coma. The bad news is she doesn't have the will to live anymore. She said she is tired of passing out and getting rushed to the emergency room every other month. She is tired of laying in hospital beds all drugged up. She also hates the fact she will never be totally independent like she used to be again. She tried to give us her last goodbyes but my cousin wouldn't let her. I was kinda upset about that because my aunt doesn't seem long for this world and everytime she tried to give one of us her blessing and say goodbye, here comes my cousin telling her to stop talking like that. I understand that even though I love my aunt and am sad to see her go it does not compare to what my cousin is going through seeing her mother like that. Was I wrong to be a little upset? I guess men are a little more...I don't wanna say coldhearted but I'll say realistic. She looks bad and hopefully by the grace of God she will be fine but it would be a shame if something happens to her and there remained so many things unsaid cause my cousin kept butting in.I asked her if anyone told her we had a black president and she broke out in the biggest grin the tubes in her mouth would allow and said "He is such a nice boy."

As usual your feedback is very much appreciated. Should my cousin let her mama say her goodbyes or am I being a jerk? Ilove my auntie soooo much and I have so much to thsnk her for while she can still hear it but that is my cousins mama and it is a more difficult thing for her to accept.

They say if you love somebody you should tell them
people never get the flowers while they can still smell them - Kanye

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU

I gotta admit a little bit i was sick of rap/but despite that the boy is back

Jay-Z - Kingdom come

I don't know why I haven't been posting but I just couldn't be bothered. Sorry. Excuse me if I told you this already but this dude at my job got fired a while back. We found out that a few weeks later that the stress of not working gave him a diabetes attack or something. Crazy , huh? Anyway there is this other guy they are about to fire tomorrow and I think I might stay home for that one cause he is cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo. Long story short, they keep avoiding telling him he sucks and keep trying to snowball him. They tried to help him out and set him up with an interview at another branch and he said he's not interested. IF YOUR BOSS TELLS YOU TO GO ON AN INTERVIEW FOR ANOTHER JOB SHOULDN'T YOU REALIZE THEY TRYING TO FIRE YOU?

This guy really thinks in his mind that he is one of the better employees there because everyone is afraid to tell him the truth.

1. because despite his work performance he really is a nice guy and is always trying to bring everyone breakfast and etc..

2. he is really into guns and him and his italian buddies have like a little gun club and go hunting and to shooting ranges etc

I normally take no days off but tomorrow might have to be one of them. This economy is no joke . A job IS worth killing over cause it will be a looooong time before he finds another one.

My lil mama and I are planning a lovers weekend where she put the kids at her mamas and we gonna go on a real date like normal people. I can't wait, we hardly ever see each other and never get to just relax and eat good food and laugh at movies and all that. We gonna do just a little bit of christmas shopping because she is working again and we might be able to buy the kids some little cheap stuff. So if y'all dont hear from me for a while you know im cupcaked up somewhere up under her.

One of my cousins has a crazy baby daddy. They had a really big phone argument and he came over in the night and bust all her car windows and slashed her tires . The stupid idiot forgot my cousin told him several times there is a girl a few doors over who got the same kind of car as her



He bust the wrong windows. Foolie Magoolie. The next morning my cousin come out and sees the girl outside crying cause her shit is all tore up and don't know why, it was so awkward but she didn't say shit. You wouldn't have either.

This dude at work told me he was having an intimate conversation with his sister........yeah thats what i said too. He's getting a dictionary for christmas.

Me and the dude who sits next to me at work wore the exact same shirt to work today. We got so many gay/chuck and larry/gay marriage/life partner jokes that at 9 I put my hot ass sweater back on and sweated my ass off. That shirts getting burned.

My aunt is in the hospital and it looks pretty bad. My sister said if anything were to happen its up to us kids to put our money together and take care of the arrangements. Auntie has no life insurance. I almost told her I have no savings cause I gotta take care of my lil mama . I stopped myself cause that explanation would have just opened up another can of worms.

Big sis: So you can't even help us bury our tee tee cause you giving some little ghetto hoochie with 9 kids alll your money? YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST!!!

If I tell my lil mama shes on her own cause I gotta save up in case something bad happens

Lil mama: You need to tell your sister Im about to be your wife and you gotta take care of home first. Your auntie kids need to come up with something. Im not about to let my kids not have food to eat cause they aint taking care of their mama like they should, thats not your responsibility. If it was your mama I'd understand but your auntie got 2 grown kids and the lord will provide them with something.

Poor me, I'm screwed no matter what I do. So....what do you think I should do?

TIDY BOWL

I believe the children are the future
teach them well and lead the way
show them all the beauty they posess inside
give them a sense of pride

Greatest love of all- Whitney Houston


*WARNING* The following story is kind of gross

I don't think my mama ever heard that song. She put fear in us every chance she got. Tell me why one time she told us this story about this zookeeper who went to the restroom on his break one day. He didn't look inside the toilet before he sat down. One of the snakes had got loose and was coiled up inside the bowl and when the man sat down the snake struck and bit him in the taint (area between the balls and hole).




TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING DAY I cant sit on a toilet without checking that mug THOROUGHLY. Why would she do that? Ima call her tomorrow and find out.I know she gets sick of me calling her everyday and asking her about something she did in 1987.I think I'm scarred for life over that. So to my readers with kids PLEASE watch what you say to them cause they will remember FOREVER.

They stayed traumatizing my little scary ass. Where I grew up there was and is a humongous rat problem. These people came to our school and did a presentation to give us knowledge on what not to do so we could stop the problem. They brought out this BIG lifelike model and all I could do was stare at the beady eyes and sharp fangs. Then they told us that a rat can smell food a block away so close our trash can lids, gulp. They said any hole big enough for a rat to fit its head in it can squeeze its whole body through, teeth chatter. Then they said a rat can hold its breath and swim through the toilet lines from one apartment and pop up through the toilet bowl in another. Add that to my mama telling me about the snake in the toilet and I have never been totally comfortable sitting on the toilet. So anything your parents ever did or said that messed you up for life?

DON'T FORGET THAT I ALSO BLOG ON WORDIZZ . CLICK THE LINK

I NEED A FAVOR!!!

COME BY MY GUEST BLOG PLEEEEAASSEE!!!

I have been filling in for Sane the last few days so please come by and say whats up so it doesnt look like I was slacking instead of taking care of her house. I will do my best to return the favor and visit your blog soon as I can

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!!!!!!!

I never thought I'd see this day in my lifetime. A BLACK MAN IS PRESIDENT!!!!. I joke around a lot but this day means so much to me you could never imagine. To see that beautiful black man take the stage and know he is the leader of our country is enought o ..... I have no words.

It was soooo chunky where I watched the count at. At least a few hundred thousand ,easy. It was amazing to see people of all colors cheering for the same cause. Everytime they showed Barack had won another state everyone cheered, no matter what color they were. But all the cheers and positive feedback CNN was giving us could not prepare us for when they showed the official word:


BARACK OBAMA ELECTED PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We went absolutely apeshit!!!!! Just as recently as 40 years ago a black man could get beaten or killed just for trying to vote. Imagine today a black man won!!! A black man is in charge of the same place they brought us in chains to and enslaved us and oppressed us etc... I've never seen such a celebration. People were cheering and dancing in the streets,I was shaking hands with people I've never seen in my life. Everyone had a sense of victory and hope that our country would stop this downward spiral the last president put us in.

Obama will not be perfect but the one we got now has made life unbearable for people . I saw his special and a white lady said when she goes tothe market she has to ask herself if she can afford the full gallon of milk or will it be the half gallon? This was a woman who actually had a job so imagine the jobless ones. I go to work so depressed because it doesn't even seem worth it if the market is hitting new lows everyday but at least now we have hope that someoone is in office who won't sell the people down the river just to make a few bucks for himself.I can't get too political cause I don't want no one in black suits knocking on my door but it's a shame how this country has fallen from grace. It used to be being from America was the shit but our dollar is damn near worthless now. We been fighting a war and losing soldiers for years now and no one knows why. Gas is so high that it's a proven fact people are driving less just to save money. Don't even get me started on healthcare because my beautiful aunt is lying in the hospital and her job doesn't want to cough up a red cent . People with perfect credit can't get loans. The man my fiancee rents from got his house foreclosed and she had to move. I could go on all night but I won't because now I know the country is finally in good hands. Its after 2 am and I gotta be up in less than four hours. So many different dreams came true tonight it's mind boggling. Thank you Obama for giving all of us hope.





So where did you watch the count and how did you feel?

MASS EXPLANATION

A few people were asking me in my previous post what was the difference between me eating candy off a coworkers desk and my neighbors walking into a store and eating their product. Instead of putting it in the comments where they might not see it I figured I would explain it in a post because I know you won't be able to sleep at night until I explain myself lol.

The difference between me taking some candy off someone at works desk and walking into a store and eating their product is the police. The guy at work can only give me a dirty look and maybe tell me to get the fuck away from his shit. The security at the store detain and search you if they see you stealing their shit. I am a black man, I CAN'T BE TAKING THOSE KIND OF CHANCES!!!! If i was a little white hannah montana teeny bopper they might let me go but I am public enemy number one to them anyway so why give them a reason to call the cops on us? My mama would kick my ass if she had to come bail me out over a damn snickers bar




I'm not being a hypocrite cause I also said that I felt so mortified by being caught stealing by my coworker I would never do it again. It was embarassing.I was gonna make this post longer but its past 1 am and I gotta go to sleep. Thanks for the input and comments. Remind me to tell yall about the time I was gonna marry this jamaican girl to get her citizenship ok?

Ok I'll give you the short version. I was gonna marry her and get her a green card and she was gonna pay me 6 G's ( I was extra broke in those days). Tell me why I ask her when am I gonna get my money and she tells me she will pay me $200 a month until its paid up. I don't condone calling women the B word but I said BITCH PLEASE!!!!!




Don't nobody got time for you to be on that nothing but a dollar and a dream bullshit. I got bills. What the fuck am I gonna do with $200 a month, get cinemax? One of my friends said beside the two hundred I'd probably be fucking her on top of that, I told him my dick was worth more than $200 (stop laughing.....I mean it). My middle sister found out about this plan and almost unleashed the dragon on my ass. She told me that not only would I have to live with the girl until the time was up in case immigration showed up, but I would end up spending more than 6 grand on the divorce. If we were married a couple years she might be entitled to half my shit. Whaaa? Even though in those days my worldly posessions were: 5 fubu outfits, an old ass dodge intrepid with no ac, a tv/vcr combo and a copy of immature's first album on cassette I would be damned if I had to give that up.I swear I used to be such a knucklehead in my youth. What's the craziest scheme you ever came up with?

MELT IN YOUR MOUTH

At work over the weekend I caught this guy slippin.I was on a floor I dont work on and this dude had the BIGGEST bucket full of chocolates and candy bars on his desk. He even had a sign on it warning his coworkers DON'T TOUCH!. I had to get him. Man I tore them chocolates up



I laughed to myself about how he was gonna come in monday and find his whole stash gone. Heh heh heh thats what he gets for being all french and trying to put little desserts on his desk. TELL ME WHY THE DUDE WALKS IN ON ME. I almost choked on a kit kat. I've never been so embarassed in my life. I felt this big.He didn't see me actually eating the candy but I know he must have smelled it in the air. Last time I taste the rainbow on somebody else's dime.

In a related story I went out with my neighbors the other night to do a little shopping. We go to the M & M store and the skinny one buys something. We look around before we leave and they see the big things of M & M's. These fools walk over and start scarfing (yes i said scarfing,don't act like you didn't watch ninja turtles coming up)the people's candy. I was beyond pissed, I stormed out of the store. They come out behind me and start telling me I'm acting all french and uptight. I told them I don't associate myself with that kind of foolishness. What the hell ima look like calling my mama for bail money cause of some damn almonds? They tried to tell me cause he bought something he was entitled to some of the candy. That's when I got pissed cause the thing I hate the most is someone trying to fast talk me into believing a ridiculous point. If you gonna steal some candy thats on you, but dont try to convince me that it's owed to you because you bought something . I HATE THAT ! I gotta stop hanging out with those cats outside of the crib cause I'm not down with grown men acting like they are 14.

I was talking to one of my boys yesterday. He is one of those people who I only text with because he tells the most boring, draaaaawn out stories in the universe. I mean his stories don't be about shit. You ever have someone tell you a story so long you forget what its about?

loser: Man let me tell you what happened to me. I woke up to go to mcdonalds and I remembered my roommate owed me $7. i go to get it from him but he wasn't home. I go to mickey d's and the girl behind the counter dropped a pie on the floor but put it back like I ain't see it. I asked her for a mcrib and she said they not coming back for 3 months. She gives me a fruit punch with nothing but ice in the cup and I asked her for more juice but she had kind of an attitude...

WHATS THE POINT STUPID!!!!!

sigh....every crew has their Cole Brown so I deal with it.Anyway Loser (dude has the worst luck in life, I'll change his name to Al Bundy from now on) proceeds to tell me this loooooooong story about how he was over one of his boys house while he was at work and his boys girlfriend ended up giving him head. He said it was the best head he ever got in his life. She had him actin a fool.



2 minutes after she gets up off her knees the dude came home early from work and was kinda mad al bundy was over there. He was suspicious but brushed it off. That right there is one of the reasons I keep my boys and my girl separate. I'm not saying you can stop from being cheated on but ain't no dude in the world gonna turn down some free ass. Especially cause my lil mama ain't no bad body chick. Basically what I'm trying to say is ain't none of my boys getting all familiar with my girl cause if she lost her mind and decided to throw them some they would say yes no matter how cool we were. If she gonna cheat she gonna cheat regardless but I trust her, I trust them as far as I can throw them. What are your thoughts on this? You can call me jealous and controlling if you want but I don't think my girl belongs on your myspace or your phone. On the flipside my lil mama keeps me away from her friends cause she knows they wouldn't mind getting their rent paid 3 months in advance just for giving up some ass. This is real life, why have your whole world come crashing down cause you trusted the wrong person around your man. So...what's been up with you?