i am extraordinary

I am extraordinary if you ever get to know me - Liz Phair


Every morning before I leave the house I look in the mirror and I tell myself "I know who I am and I know what I believe". It is very important I do this, sort of like an alcoholic going to AA meetings so they stay strong.

When my ex and I broke up I had an emotional breakdown. The things she yelled at me and her cheating on me made me think there was something wrong with me. I felt like I wasn't good enough or why else would she be going around with other guys? I felt like if I were funnier,worked out more or made more money etc.. I was as down in the dumps as someone could be.

Then one day someone sent me the following video




In it Will Smith says that you can't let someone else get in your head. You have to know who you are and know what you believe. I looked myself in the eye and said "I know who I am and I know what I believe" and I felt better. I said it again and I felt even better than before. I looked at the situation and told myself that I treated that woman like a queen and she did me wrong so there was nothing to feel bad about.

It doesn't matter what everyone else in the world tells you, it only matters what you tell yourself. I tell myself constantly I am a good person,I'm funny , I'm ambitious, I'm going places etc . And I can't lie I feel good about myself these days. I set some goals for myself of things I want to achieve physically, financially and emotionally and I will hit them. When you want something bad enough and work hard at it you will achieve it if you believe you will. He says people thought the Wright brothers were idiots for thinking a piece of metal could fly you around the world but airplanes are in the sky everytime I look up now. He says people thought Thomas Edison was crazy for thinking you could light up the room at the flick of a switch but every home has a light bulb in every room now. Don't let someone psych you out of your greatness!!!!!

Chris Gardner (the pursuit of happyness guy) gave this lecture about his life story and it was amazing. It made my meltdown look like a pity party. He was sleeping in public bathrooms with his son and living off of soup kitchens and even spent some time in jail. But he kept studying for that financial test and he got it and became a millionaire and had a best selling book and movie about his life. He did all of this while raising a child alone. In one part he said he got his lights cut off one time and had to bathe his son by candle light. He didn't give up so I can't let what some hoodrat did to me stop me from my greatness.

Will also recommended this book called The Alchemist that I read. Very good and short. The main character has a lot of bad things happen to him but its all to set him in the right place at the right time. The overall theme is if you want something bad enough you can get it if you don't give up. You have to pursue greatness and realize the bad things are to lead you in the right direction.

I have decided to pursue greatness in the IT field. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had big dreams and look where it took them. I don't necessarily want what they had but I know life can get much better than this. I have a couple of software books I'm studying and everytime I get lazy I think about what Will said about wanting something so bad you are ready to die for it and I carry on.

Sometimes I feel so bad for myself and get so down in the dumps that I forget all the good things that are happening to me and then something reminds me. A friend of mine told me the other day that his girlfriend is pregnant and will have to stop working soon. He has to come up with an extra $1300 every month to make up for what she can't contribute now. Plus the expenses of the baby and hospital fees etc OUCH!!! I thought I had problems but I've got nothing compared to that.

Another one of my boys blacked out and hit his girlfriend a while back. She called the cops and he was in jail for a bit,then he spent mad money for lawyer fees and he has to go to anger management. Then she put him on child support and he owes $8000 and they are garnishing $350 every week out of his check. He quit his job because he says it doesn't make sense to go to work because he sees no money. Boy boy boy I would go berserk if I was in that situation. Meanwhile something happened at one of my jobs to set the pay cycle back a week and now I get a paycheck every friday. Plus while everyone at my security job is losing hours I am getting a lot.

The moral of the story is if you hold on and persevere you will get where you are going as long as you believe!!

The man who says he can and the man who says he can't are both right - Confucius