TOP FLIGHT

I was a security guard for a few years.good money too. I started at a hotel/resort place and later transferred to a small apartment complex.when i interviewed they kept asking me how id handle all these different situations.i thought they wanted someone real tough so i gave all these thuggish answers

?: what if you have a guest making too much noise?

me:punch him in his motherfucking mouth

?:what if you have a lady who wants you to let her in her room but doesnt have any id on her

me:hmmmmmm.....(after some thought) punch her in her motherfucking mouth?

they told me i was coming on too strong but i got the job anyway.they said they didnt want me to have my pants hanging off my ass (what kind of racist shit is that?) and made me wear these tightass nut hugging brown polyester pants.thats me on the left



we didnt have names either we only referred to each other as our number

me:this is 525 doing a patrol in sector 4 over.

thats right i had my own little golf cart snitches.i had just gotten my license and loved driving my little cart at top speed.one day about a week after i started i was congratulating myself on what a good driver i had become ,i went around a turn too fast and the polyester pants aint have no kind of grip so i slid acroooooooossss the seat of my cart,hit the rail and flew out my cart,i mean patrol vehicle.im on the ground but the cart kept going and smashed into somebodys car.i look around to see if anybody saw me.no one did so i jumped in the cart to bump out but it wont start and the windshield had fallen out.i put the windshield in the seat and pushed that shit the hell out of dodge before i lose that good job.

that job was fun sometimes.there was a gas pump where we would fill up the vans.tell me why my supervisor would pull up his real car and fill that bitch to the top then mark it in the book as the van.he told his boss that the van got bad mileage when they asked why it got filled up regularly but stayed empty.

one night a drunk lady called up and said she thinks shed been raped.i knooooww its fucked up but we laughed our asses off.how do you THINK youd been raped?

one night a dude had a heart attack.the ambulance came to get him and on the way out the ambulance jumped the curb and ran into a tree.the tree fell on a bunch of cars( i guess it was just his time to go). it was so funny watching my superior officer call a bunch of people and tell them their car had been in an accident when they parked their car for the night hours ago.

one night i had a date.i called up my superior officer and gave him this big lie about how one of my eyes was maybe infected or something and i would probably have to go to the eye doctor tomorrow.do you know that fool still made me come in and promised to let me off early? now i couldnt go in with two healthy eyes or id look like a liar so i wore a damn eyepatch the whole night and told myself i look like romeo from immature.man i used to be a fool