My mama would have out of body experiences sometimes and beat me like she aint even know me.She beat me like a slave one time.no i really mean she beat me like a slave.she stood back and gave herself enough space and would swing from the hip to have more power.heres the story:
One time when I was 10 I finished my bubble bath (FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!!) and took my ninja turtles out the tub but i guess i forgot to empty all the mr. bubble out the tub.anyway i go and ride my bike and practicing my wheelies when i hear my fam calling me. I go in the house and ma beagle is sitting on the couch with her robe around her shoulders like James Brown singing Living in America. i ask what happened and my sister tells me i didnt take all the soap out the tub and mom went in the tub and slipped her big ass on all the foam. I picture her fat ass slipping and calling out for jesus while pulling down the shower curtain and start cracking up laughing.everyone was stunned for a second and then.....you ever watch a football game where they dont protect the receiver and like four guys just pile on him? yeah it was like that.i got sacked......but fuck it that shits still funny today.
one time after my mom blacked out on my ass i was taking a bath and she came in and asked what happened to my back.i gawked at her for a second then screamed "WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN WHAT HAPPENED ? YOU CHOKED ME OUT LIKE DR DRE DID THAT BITCH THATS WHAT HAPPENED.NOW TAKE YOUR ASS TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME REAL CEREAL LIKE THE WHITE KIDS EAT ON TV!!!" i swear to you thats what i told her....or at least i meant to.
one time ma dukes didnt have time to grab a belt and she unleashed the dragon on my ass.
**break**
WPIX used to show the Last Dragon all the time and ninja turtles just came out so in my mind i thought i was a karate master
my mom starts slapping me around and i thought i had practiced my arts enough to be able to counter and block her attack.her chi was stronger than mine and she hit me with a combo i didnt anticipate.i had a shiner
at this point she knew she fucked up and the people would be on her ass if i went to school like that .so i got to stay home for a week.lol you should seen her ass buying me all kinds of cheez doodles and ring pops and quarter waters,ol scary ass.she told me if the school called to tell them i had the flu, IN THE MIDDLE OF MAY?.man i stayed home and watched carebears,fantastic max and all that good shit.then reruns of good times and jeffersons came on.i lived it up that week.her ass was like ike turner telling anna mae not to leave the group.
Friday, August 15, 2008
PART III:BEAT YOU LIKE YOU STOLE SOMETHING
Posted by
n0days0ff
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7:26 PM
Labels: one time...., reminisce
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18 comments:
lol!! aww, now see this one made me sad for you. ma dukes gave you a shiner???
no way! man, yo' momma sound like she was a beast when it came down to beatin' you down.
damn
she was takin her own frustrations out on u
"go in the house and ma beagle is sitting on the couch with her robe around her shoulders like James Brown
singing Living in America"
LOL!
Me and my little sis fought a couple years ago because her young ass wanted to come in at 2am. She tried to talk to my mom like she was from the ghetto knowing damn well she don't get free lunch round these parts. I reached back and rocked her snot box lol. Blood everywhere..I swore I was gonna be sittin in between some dykes legs at the local county jail. My mom kept her home for a week. I didn't feel bad either..She never talked like that to me again..
"her ass was like ike turner telling anna mae not to leave the group."
---*Dead*
This is to funny.... My aunt described my Babushka (I love that term for her lol thanks nodaysoff)as the mother from Carrie.. And she was on the money with that one....
your 2 first lines sound like my momma....dont u know i used to get beat with tha extension cord & aint no belt eva leave marks on me like the ones i got on my behind right now 2day? damn u no days 4 bringin back old memories i tried so hard 2 forget. lol ;P
One time when I was 10 I finished my bubble bath (FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!!)
I am laughing so hard I shed a tear. CLASSIC!! Because you knew exactly what I was thinking as soon as I finished the sentence and checked me on it before I could even ask about the 10 year old bubble bath!
Nah just giving you a hard time, I know kids LOVE the bubbles, but I did laugh that hard!
-OG
lmaooooo
man.
i think its all been said
u sure we aint had the same mama?
damn... moms was brutal... I mean I got some beatings... my tail tore up til I was bleeding... mainly because she was hitting me right on my mosquito bites... i still have them scares
LMAO! Bubble bath at 10? Naw you str8.
My mom was crazy like that too. She was heavy handed so her hand popping game was sick. She had bad aim so instead of ass whelps we had lower back whelps. Plus she used to lose control and start bringing up old hit to yell at us about during whippins. One time she gave my sister a shiner and I had to like to everyone like I did it so they wouldn't call DHS on her crazy butt.
Parents are crazy!
Okay, yall are scaring me. I got my behind tore into but it was never that serious.
1st time blogger:
ahhhh...wow to all ur beatings...neva got it like that. Hey at least you got to stay home and watch cool TV shoes... I usta love watching care bears & good times is my shit :)
You are too funny...I had to add you to my blog roll :)
lmao! parents do take it too far sometimes tho. one time my brother got beat so bad he barfed. my dad took him on a fishing trip, toys r us shopping spree...LOL
my mom was crying and ish lol
too much
you are killing me with the ass whooping stories....& I died @ the one about you taking the ninja turtles out the tub...hhahahahahha....I used to have a little toy shark that squirted water out....shhhhhhhh don't tell nobody....hahhahhahhahah
Oh my... I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! Sounds like your and my mom's got a whole lot in common! Those Clint Eastwood "Make my Day Momma's" ain't no joke!!
Reading this, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because your Ma sounded like my Pops. Man used to weild an extension cord on my behind like I stole all his worldly belongs, twas no joke.
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